Dear Bhupi, bed-lamps are not Dharmapatni!

She is the 'bed-lamp' of my room!/She is my 'religious wife'!

(Blind man on bed-lamp/rotating mecha)

After reading the above poem by poet Bhupi Sherchan, I was stunned for a long time. How many of our grandmothers, mothers, children, grandmothers, aunts, sisters, sisters-in-law had the same fate!

I look at my peers, I see my younger generation. The situation described in the poem has changed. Today's religious wives have set themselves on fire in the morning light, without anyone being able to extinguish it. When they return in the evening or at night, they return with the same light, always shining on others.

She comes to me with a daughter who has just entered adolescence. He tells something in front of his daughter. He sends his daughter out and wreaks havoc for the rest of his life. She is suffering from physical violence, insults, contempt, very conservative behavior. Has she not been subjected to sexual violence in a marital relationship? She goes out in search of light and cannot be touched by anyone at night. While the husband is converging with his girlfriend, she leaves a lonely sigh in the dark of the night.

daughter arrives. I asked her, who was seeing all of her father's work, "Baba still has a friend now." What if some friend comes into Mamu's life tomorrow?'

'My Mamu deserves a better person than Dad.'

Daughter's answer makes me happy. Our eyes meet and we are speechless for a while.

When he was 17 years old, before his daughter threatened him that he would die if he did not marry this man, the boy, who was given away by his parents, migrated before he was ten years old. Physical violence against him was also the reason for leaving the country. He is repeatedly pressured to divorce, but he does not budge. She hears the news that her husband is married, but she doesn't believe it. When she sees the evidence and feels that the person she loves not only wants to leave her, but has already married her second time, then it is not appropriate to keep him tied to her only on paper. Then she decides to give the divorce that her husband is asking for.

I don't even look for what I earned and sent. She says she doesn't need anything because she has a son. Less than a week after the divorce, he posts a picture with his second wife in mid-winter clothes. Unable to believe that her husband got married years ago, she sheds tears without being able to contact her son.

'I don't need a mommy like you, I got new mother,' he is shocked by his son's message. He thinks that his son did not write this message. My son is always scared when he talks to me. The video won't open. Even in the message, 'Oi, what's up with you? Say yes. This language, this style is not son's. Son is not like that. This son's father spoke. My son is under their control. He went to the court wearing a lapcha to have regular contact with his son and he is walking carelessly about it.

He gets raped while becoming a friend from a casual acquaintance. A 'planned rape'. Even after the rape, he doesn't stop chasing. He says he loves her. After following him for a long time, the 'live in' with him starts. For six years he earns himself and takes care of his 'partner'. Relationships have ups and downs. He fell into the cult. He sought to get out of the relationship. However, he did not back down again. Now the whole family came and started apologizing and telling us - in any case, don't leave our son, nephew, brother, brother-in-law, now he has improved, otherwise we will improve, now get married. She decided to get married after her family told her to. got married However, he did not improve. It got worse. Drunkenness began to lead to physical attacks.

And now she too has come to the decision that she cannot continue to be his reform center. He probably had no idea that he would reach the court. After that, he was more greedy for wealth than for relationships, so much so that he filled his wife's blank check with his uncle's name and bounced the check. His two bank accounts, which have not had a transaction of even ten lakhs so far, were blacklisted. The whole family is pushing for a divorce and not to take the property. It is threatened that no one will know if they are killed. He is constantly followed by strangers. She is forced to leave the camp where she is staying after receiving threatening phone calls and following her continuously.

She gave the relationship full time and chance for almost seven years. All these were only from him. The other party remained very indifferent to the relationship. Despite the complete neglect of the husband, how is she managing the household of the husband? I was surprised. He had nothing, no one in that household. The children belonged to the husband, the family, relatives also belonged to the husband. A half-century-old man had placed the burden of his household on the shoulders of a virgin girl. She made all her husband's children and relatives her own. However, the husband could not be his.

'Yesterday, my daughter flew abroad to study. I will see you now. Take some time for me. I have to talk to you,' she was stuck because of her daughter. she went Now I guess that he will also decide. She left home in a few days. She had already arranged her accommodation when she met me.

While walking, she took out the jewelry box and handed it to the man. She left with two bags of books and clothes. In the relationship, the woman is bound by the thread called marriage, the task of protecting it is also hers, it was her husband's man's ego that he doesn't have to do anything. He came to his feet. She left. After confessing his weakness, Lama Lama started receiving messages and emails. He started saying that the property will be transferred to his name. She was never greedy for wealth. She was only looking for freedom from dialogue and senseless relationships. She was saying what she wanted and what she would give!

However, the passion, love and self-acceptance shown in the letter were making him a leaf shaking in the wind. She looked weak. "Will you come back?" "Even if I come back, he will not improve. I have seen this form of him before. He is a person who is ready to do anything to look good in society. People who know him may be scolding me for leaving such a man. I have experienced his true form. This person cannot be recognized in general acquaintance. That's why I gave this relationship so many years.'

On the day of Dasain Tika, he gets a call. She reads out the message sent by her husband. He had threatened to kill himself in the message. His wife's picture and phone no. It was a death threat placed on the chest. After switching off the phone, he gets lost and comes home after a few hours. And that threat was another weapon of his to beat his wife. Which didn't work.

His message came at 1:34 am. Some were even unscented. I will get back to him in the morning. He talks about meeting. However, his phone does not come again. The torture he was going through has reached me. Meet at public events. He becomes normal. I act like I don't know. Thinking of the future of the children, I can do nothing but wish that the torture he endured will not be read in unpleasant news one day.

We have met after a long time. Between the same cordiality and the same affection we guffaw. I didn't have a home. This is what happened...!' After seeing the question in my eyes, he said - 'I will tell you in short. He is gay. He tricked me. hid his identity. He did violence to me to hide his weakness. I didn't know anything about that either. It took me a long time to accept the fact that this happens. Fearing society, family and honor, I was confused for ten years without being able to make a decision.'

Just recently, a doctor ended his life in Koshi after love failed. The major of the Nepalese army also washed himself in the Bheri river in this rain.

dear poet! If you had to put the bed-lamp in a poem today, which image would you use? Even yesterday, the dharma wife whom you accused of bed-lamp, saved the credit of household, family, tradition and even today. Like yesterday, he needs the touch of others to sleep in bed. However, it is true that religious wives work day and night to maintain the life of the household and family. The pace of time is becoming so fast that the religious concubines you call bed-lamps are now lighting themselves. It is not difficult to say that today's religious wives are not ready to give their lives by enduring all the hardships of the relationship. Dear Bhupi! In your time, in your life, the religious wife may have been a bed-lamp, but not now.

(author is Vimali Advocate)