The pain of patriarchy

Women are not the only victims of such power. Individuals and states of all genders suffer. As long as this kind of power remains in a country with a human rights-oriented constitution like ours, no government can build a socialist-oriented society and economy based on equality as directed in the constitution.

According to Bell Hooks, an American black feminist writer, patriarchy is a dangerous social disease that attacks the body and soul of men in today's world, threatening their very lives. But men don't use this word. They don't want to analyze how it affects them, instead they take this word as a word to be thrown at them by women. The mentality and behavior of some men in our country can be taken as a direct example of this. Many such men are appearing in our society, in which insecurity is increasing. This is especially true of men who work outside, who are educated, who are connected to women who can advocate for their rights. To get rid of such weakness, they try to control women by using the rights given by the feudal capitalist patriarchal structure established in the society. Because of this, violence and discord have taken place in their homes. If there are children at home, they are affected. The family as a whole is being affected. Most of all, men's image, health and quality of life are all affected.

I want to put here the pain of three women I met a few days ago. A woman's husband works in the security agency. Not in a very big position. His wife works in government. Reading is also good. There is good respect in the society. Since he works in the social sector, even though he is in government service, he should continue to go to the field. Many have frostbite. The husband lives in the barracks. They meet only occasionally on holidays. Now, her husband tries to control her by calling her frequently, telling her to leave the house at this time in the morning, and to come back at this time, even from a distance. He can't quit his job because his wife is taking care of 2 kids. Meanwhile, he started blackmailing his wife by making a video call saying, "If you don't come home on time, I will hang myself from this tree." The wife is also suffering mentally. She is worried about how to move forward with her life. Here the pain and frustration of the wife is seen, as well as the pain and frustration of the husband and his mental health is also affected. The only reason for this is not having a wife as defined by the patriarchal society. In addition to this, family members abroad sometimes scold him saying, "If your wife continues to walk like this, you will suffer." He laughs that he can't even control his wife.

The second woman's husband is abroad. Her husband once returned home after ten years. At that time she became pregnant. Husband returned abroad again. Now the child is five years old but her husband has not come. Wife is a post graduate. She works in an NGO. Husband wants to control where she is and what she is doing by making video calls at least 3-4 times a day. There seems to be no basis of trust between them. The wife is mentally disturbed. She wants to make her own identity, but she is confused about what to do with her husband's behavior. Its direct impact is seen in their lives and also in the child.

The third woman is a director of a media organization. You have to deal with many. Must work till night. The children have grown up. However, when did the husband say, "Why did you walk without wearing vermilion?" Why did you talk to him for so long?'' This woman is also worried about how to move forward with her life.

The life stories of the three women I have mentioned are only representative. Now many women are suffering from such stories. Looking at this, all these women are victims of violence. The husband seems to be the perpetrator. But in reality, besides these women, these three men are also victims. Suffering from mental problems. There is a sense of inferiority within them, which is created by the current patriarchal structure.

Men should be seen as superior to women within a patriarchal structure. It is believed that one should earn more, read more or know more. If this is not the case, the man will be destroyed from within. He begins to feel that he does not exist. With that situation, various mental problems are born in him and he becomes sick and deranged.

Patriarchy is a structure. It cripples men emotionally. Patriarchy controls men's right to freely exercise their inner will. As a result, it becomes very difficult for men of all classes, castes and races to struggle against patriarchy. Therefore, he grows up learning the knowledge taught by the patriarchy from an early age, and imbibes it. It affects his thinking and behavior. To change this situation, it is necessary to understand the psychology of patriarchy. Patriarchal psychology has developed emotional femininity and masculinity within each individual. It ranks masculinity higher and femininity lower. It is deeply embedded in the psyche of every person. Therefore, the position of advocating equality with the process of empowerment is not acceptable to patriarchy. And he starts maintaining his dominance by assimilating various harmful values, systems and thinking in the society. Realizing that everyone is affected by patriarchy, it is necessary to challenge both the thinking in our brains and the situation that is seen in practice and applied in life because of it. Now it is necessary to end the pain seen in men, manage the crisis and make a correct diagnosis. It is important to understand that patriarchy is the problem and move towards ending it.

Renowned family physician Terence Real says – The process of accepting that I am perfect is even more difficult for men than for women. It challenges the established culture. If men want to take the place of the right man, to practice good manhood, they must be able to open their hearts. One should be able to listen to the voice of the inner heart. You should be able to recognize your feelings. It should be understood that this is the basis of a healthy and quality life. For that we all have to find an alternative to this patriarchal masculinity. Otherwise, all of our lives would be difficult, complicated, full of torture and humiliation without love.