'Ramala Cha' program host and color journalist Utsav Rasaili posted a photo on Facebook a few days ago saying, 'It's November.' In the comments, someone wrote, 'You don't have a girlfriend, you should probably marry a guy.' Another comment was, 'Where can you find her in Nepal, you should probably go abroad to find her?' Although it hurt to see such comments in the early days, Utsav laughs now.

‘Is this brother or sister?’ Whether it’s an interview Utsav took or a photo he made public, there is no shortage of people writing comments like this. There are many who write, ‘It looks like a brother but it’s a sister.’ If they don’t like Utsav’s interviews or want to show him wrong, they immediately link his sexual identity. Ignoring such abuse, Utsav, who is moving forward, thinks, ‘What kind of things are people still getting involved in.’ 

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Jagan (name changed) opened an account on the dating app ‘Grinder’ some time ago. He knew that this app searches for ‘partners’ for the sexual and gender minority community. He got to know someone through Grindr. The person did not send him a real photo, there was a photo of a flower on the profile. However, the conversation between the two grew. 

After discussing their age, ‘role’ and other issues, they decided to meet. On the day of the meeting, the person said that he was in Nagarkot, asked for travel expenses to Kathmandu, and asked to book a hotel. Jagan did as he was told. However, the person did not come, making various excuses. Instead, he asked Jagan to send the money the next day as well. Jagan became suspicious and said that he would not send the money. 

The person sent Jagan a picture of his parents and threatened, saying, ‘Your father is not so-and-so, send as much money as you want, otherwise I will say that my son is like this.’ The person continued to torment Jagan, who had been hiding his sexual identity from his family and society, for about a month. Even after immediately blocking him on Grindr and deleting the app, Jagan is still haunted by the incident. Jagan continues to be tormented by the thought of whether the person would reveal his sexual identity to his family, causing him mental anguish.

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Babudumi Rai revealed her sexual identity at the age of 14. Non-binary trans is her sexual identity. She came out with an identity not only to her family and society, but also to the digital society. She got into a relationship with a person much older than her through the internet. At that time, the 'partner' sexually abused her. However, due to her age-related immaturity, her father did not think it was wrong. Her father did not even think that such abuse would happen from a person within the sexual and gender minority community. She says that such incidents still occur within this community. 

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The series of digital violence is even more terrible than the physical violence that people from the sexual and gender minority community have to endure. One example of this is the incident of a married gay man who was 'blackmailed' for about 3 years by threatening to reveal his sexual identity.

Sunilbabu Pant, the director of the organization, who is currently working on negotiations and reconciliation with both parties, said that the perpetrator sometimes took a motorcycle ransom or money from the victim, saying that he would tell the family. The victim alleges that the perpetrator sometimes took money from the victim, Director Pant said that the organization will listen to both sides on this issue and refer the matter to the police if necessary.

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Most relationships of people from the sexual and gender minority community start on social media. Some of these relationships turn into violence, while some are victims of abuse on digital platforms. Queer Nepal President Vivek Magar believes that this community has been facing violence ranging from ‘intimate partner violence’ to child sexual abuse and verbal abuse through digital platforms. 

He says that sexual and gender minorities are attacked on social media from morning to night. ‘Our community is given a lot of hate speech. Now I see a lot of content on Facebook and TikTok that directly abuses and threatens our community,’ says Vivek. 

Vivek, who has been working as an activist for this community since 2014, recently came across a piece of content titled ‘Kushal Says’ on Facebook. Where people from this community were compared to animals and were also threatened. Vivek says that due to the patriarchal society, even the youth are unable to understand this community.

‘How many youth have been creating content by attacking us without understanding. How dare they directly threaten us? Of course, this clashes with our social structure,’ he says, ‘The same expression created by the social structure is now being expressed on digital platforms.’ Vivek says that sexual and gender minorities are still not safe in a patriarchal society. 

According to Vivek, children are being subjected to sexual violence through dating apps. ‘It is found that adults groom children by showing various temptations for sex,’ he says, ‘Some are forced to have video sex by sending them obscene videos/photos and saying that they will pay for it. And then they are even ‘blackmailed’ by shooting the same video.’ 

Babudumi Rai, who is also the vice president of the recently formed Samajwadi Party, says that violence occurs on social media and on dating apps. ‘How many people from our community are also being abused,’ she said, ‘While searching for their sexual identity, people from our community go to apps like Grindr, Blood, Tantan, Bumble, Planet Romeo and Hise. And from there, they get sexually abused. This directly affects their health. They become victims of diseases like HIV and STIs.’

Stating that people from the sexual and gender minority community have been victims of direct and digital violence since they revealed their sexual identity, Rai said that this has also affected their careers. She said that this community has faced violence and abuse from social media message boxes to phones. ‘Digital violence has become a daily occurrence in our lives. Such violence happens to us and we have the mentality that we have to tolerate it. "Let's say we have normalized it," she said. She said that this has made many people feel insecure and feel guilty that they are not worthy of this society.

Color journalist Utsav says that violence is being faced by family, friends and relatives because they do not understand this community. "People still immediately understand this community as trans. If I do not say what people want to hear, they are attacked with various words, and their minds are shaken," Utsav said. 

Activist Sunil Babu Pant says that this community is currently facing serious types of violence through dating apps and digital media. Sunil, who is also a former member of parliament, said that people with criminal mindsets are taking advantage of people from this community through various apps. "Especially married men who are financially well-off, they are being tricked," he said. 

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The path to solving digital violence for sexual and gender minorities is not easy. They are hesitant to go to the police with cases of digital violence because of their sexual identity and the way the police treat them. According to activist Sunil, those who have not come out are still afraid to come to activists like him.

Those who have been hiding their sexuality out of fear of their family and society are even more afraid to file a complaint with the police. ‘Initially, they are afraid to open up to us and trust us. Now how can they go to the police?’ Sunil says, ‘We had to file a complaint with the Cyber ​​Bureau for digital violence. Victims who are married, who have not come out openly, cannot even go to the Cyber ​​Bureau. That is why there is so much digital violence in this community that has not been reported.’

Some people do not go to the Cyber ​​Bureau when they go to the police for fear of their sexuality being exposed. That is why Sunil’s group is looking for a solution to the cases that come to them. Sunil says that due to the long and complicated process to get justice, few people go to the Cyber ​​Bureau with cases of digital violence. He demands that the police should assign a specific person who understands the sensitivity of this community. Sunil also sees a need for counseling for those who are victims of digital violence. “Digital violence affects their mental health. Therefore, counseling should be provided to those who are traumatized,” he said. 

Badri Pun, a ‘trans-man’ who took third-gender citizenship for the first time in Nepal, says that there is still no comfortable environment to file a complaint with the police. “The police still do not understand us. They do not give us justice the way they give justice to others in cybercrime,” says Pun, who is also the outgoing president of the Inclusive Forum Nepal. “In the place where justice is given, they ask us why we behave like this, and mistreat us. The state has limited the campaign against gender violence to slogans only. Not everyone is treated equally. We should also be given justice like others.”