That day the heat wave had dimmed in the cold sky. Chandra Bhandari, who was sitting sadly in house number 113 of 'Kiriyaputri Seva Kendra Rajarajeshwari' in Pashupatinath Aryaghatchewai, was also cold. Chandra-Muhar looked really sad. How can he be happy, when his mother is dead? Chandra is sitting to see the irrefutable truth of life - Pashupati's Kiriya house.

Like her, the Ghats and Kiriyaputri buildings look sad. People standing silently in white dhoti or cremated corpses found on the nearby ghat are also sad. It feels like a long silence for centuries, even on the ghat and in the Kiriyaputri building where Chandra Bhandari sits. There is a letter after the

– on the moon's face, forehead, palm, foot.... His fair face has brown hair. There are some stains on the corners of both eyes, probably caused by tears. His last life-line paints a grim picture of the aftermath of the fire. Listening to the latest story of his life, it seems that it is the melody of separation from the violin of a sad musician. A few green, dry yellow leaves from the trees have fallen on the stamped stones on the ground outside the kiriyaghar. There are sitting on the bench - some old, young man. She is listening to Chandra. He too is sitting, a little further away, on a white chair. On that forgetful day, the moon was saying - I'm still in a state of confusion.

• • •

MP Chandra, elected from Gulmi-1, had a terrible lightning strike in his life - one year ago (February 3, 2079). The memory of that day remains a big scar on his brain for the rest of his life. It was such a black day, the memory of that day makes his heart swell and a shadow comes to his eyes - his mother who fell on fire. 

On that day, when Chandra turned on the electricity switch in the room in Buddhanagar, where there was a gas leak, a sudden fire broke out. He was burned by the fiery flames. His mother Harikala Bhandari (1997-2079) also died. And, 70 percent of her body was burned and the mother died at Kirtipur Burn Hospital. The sound of the mother's screams still echoes in Chandra's ears from a distance. By the logic of that voice, the body is just like the throat.

Chandra Bhandari's mind is always haunted by the memory of that day. Mother passed away, her life almost ended that day. He himself is very much gripped by long-term unbearable pain, irritation, sorrow, restlessness and anxiety. And, exactly one year after mother's ascension, he is sitting in Kiriya, feeling the glory of life and death - at Aryaghat. He says about the curves of life, 'I had to see this with my own eyes. In fact, it is very good to live. I have had many ugly days of my life this year. The memory of those days would remain in my heart as a very sweet letter.' 

Chandra Bhandari's fingers still don't move properly. The fire burnt 44 percent of his body and left him with deep wounds. After initial treatment at Kirtipur Burn Hospital, he was shifted to Burn Center Hospital in Mumbai for further treatment. After 73 days of treatment, he returned to Nepal. After coming to Nepal, Dr. He was treated by local and foreign doctors and health workers led by Shankar Rai.

• • •

In this past year, the dim, cold-hot sun, big and small rains have gone away from his memoirs. However, it was always snowing in my heart and my heart was still cold. It took a year for the burn to heal (not completely healed). The rest of the letter will also be erased, but what will be the medicine to heal the wound in his heart when his mother was burnt to death before his eyes? How many years will it take to heal that wound?

In this one year, he saw life many times. No one but him can say, in one year, he walked through which paths and alleys of terrible pain of brain-mind-emotion! How many times in a hospital bed between burning and excruciating pain 

Tola looking at the busy city from the window, no one knows but him. And no one can say how many tears he shed in memory of his mother! Only he can tell about the pain, loneliness and fatigue of that anonymous brain-journey.

That accident, that mother's loss, that compulsory trip to the hospital without a fainting..! According to Chandra, he has only mischief in mind. "The memory of my mother's face always leads to sadness," he says, "Sometimes I feel like I don't have the courage to say how my mother passed away." ``This life is a gift from my mother, I get goosebumps remembering that day,'' Chandra says, remembering his mother who walked on an eternal journey, ``I can't sleep, I wake up in the middle of the night, I can't sleep again.'' 

• • •

Mother Harikala breathed her last on the night of the accident. Chandra, who fell unconscious and unconscious in the room next to Kirtipur Hospital, did not know the news of his mother's death. Although no one told him, perhaps thinking 'there will be more irritation and pain'. Mumbai's 'Burn Center Hospital' was visible - only the color of death and fear. The color of the moon's face was also pale. In the ventilator of Bombay, in the ICU, in the midst of continuous operations, burns, injections and pain, Chandra used to think - I am in so much pain, fighting with death, how difficult it must have been for my mother? Someone would have talked to him. How did you cope? How much has the mother's treatment improved?

And he used to weave a plan - now I will take care of the injured mother like this, I will swing the mother so that she is comfortable in the bed, she will feed herself, now after I come back I will take care of the mother all the time. After about two months while undergoing treatment, he asked his wife Lakshmi - I am in such terrible pain, tell me how is mother? Shedding barbaric tears, Lakshmi told the news that her mother had passed away on the same day of the gas accident. "After that, a big landslide happened in my mind," said Chandra. 

She kept shedding tears for a long time, seeing darkness all around - only darkness. "Mother..." he continued to say. As the poet Biplava Prateik's song says, Chandra was having 'convulsions every night in her dreams'. "I still have cramps in my dreams," says Chandra. Especially I have been injured from the inside.' After returning to Nepal, he never went to the room where the fire happened - thinking that 'remembering will make you soft, but your heart will be sore again'. It was like that room where mother was burnt, it is still the same. Chandra doesn't want to witness the sweet memories and damp smell of that room anymore. 

For a year after the accident, Chandra continued - 'I could not fulfill my filial responsibilities due to my own adverse health, I did not complete the rites that should be done when I lost my parents.' The other siblings stayed with their mother when the incident happened. Moon Mother – One year after Mahaprasthan now Kiriya is sitting, today is the 12th day. "After doing this, mother's soul will be saved easily," he says. 'I see this revival achieved by the tireless efforts of the doctors from everyone's perspective,' says Chandra, looking at the smoke rising from the pyre in the sky, 'I am the sufferer and witness of such a vivid picture of life and death.' break In Chandra's mind, the memories of his mother are flipping through the pages of the book. Those memories have not disappeared, new ones are being born one after the other. It seems that Chandra Smriti's chilly day is turning towards day. Mother Harikala used to tell her son from time to time - the stories of the mountain village, the customs and culture of the mountains. 'Mother is a serious, deep and emotional figure,' Chandra Bhandari flips over the pictures of Yad, 'It seems as if the day when my mother taught me by writing with a stick in the soil in the garden is getting closer and closer - Hijai ho ki, Asti ho ki like.'&nbsp ;

Chandra has two mothers, both named - Harikala Bhandari. Two mothers had 6 sons and 1 daughter.  Chandra Maila is the son. Younger mother Harikala (80) is now with Chandra. Whenever he had to write about his mother, he would write 'Harikala Square'. At the age of 7, Harikala got married to Iswari Prasad Bhandari – in Hunga of Gulmi. Mother-in-law and mother-in-law were very strict. At home, there was always a rush of work, and there was a rush on the face.  Harikala knew Akshar. She was religious, very attentive to prayers. The whole time was spent in grass-firewood, stove-square, things-price. The two big bulls in Chandra's house used to go to the forest to graze and cut grass. A mother from a distant day - memories of a mother carrying grass, cutting grass, and burning wood in the stove come to the mind of the moon. In the house were – 'Siddhanta-Kaumudi', 'Madhyasiddhanta-Kaumudi', 'Laghusiddhanta-Kaumudi' and 'Sar-Kaumudi'. Mother used to recite those compositions slowly and slowly, saying the letters in the evening. ``Mother was fond of Kaumudi,'' says Chandra. 

This is the mother's habit, which taught Chandra to 'read'. In Chandra's understanding, mother Harikala was very gentle - she had no grudge against anyone, she had no habit of fighting. However, the younger mother Harikala was stubborn and strict. Chandra, who was involved in politics, was arrested from time to time. The younger mother used to reach the police station and have a big fight with the police, saying, "I will leave my son". 

There is some wisdom taught by his mother, which Chandra says he will "follow throughout his life". As my mother used to say - do not make broken promises to anyone, be tolerant, do not live on the expectations of others and never compromise on the hospitality of the guests who come to the house. When Chandra Bhandari entered politics, mother Harikala Audhi was happy, always inspiring. "My mother always said - this thing called politics is causing suffering, but it is also a way to improve the lives of the poor and unfortunate in the society. You are well on your way. Never harm those who believe in you. Always working to win people's hearts by being honest and disciplined,' Chandra recalls the old days, 'He didn't understand politics, but he was sure that his son took the right path. For a mother, children are always children.

Even at the age of 82, Harikala was so active that she always cooked herself. She used to ask all the guests who came to her house - 'Father, have you eaten?' She used to visit Chandra Bhandari's house with Congress leader Vishwaprakash Sharma. Just a few days before the gas accident, he had eaten food cooked by Harikala Bhandari. Last February 3, Sharma wrote on his Facebook wall, 'I used to worship her as a mother. A few days before the incident, I had reached Buddhanagar to meet him. That meeting and that photo taken that day will be the last, I had no idea.' Chandra and his mother's journey after the accident, the environment, the story and the time were different. At the end of that journey, they got separated. He sees his life in two parts – before and after the accident. After that tragic fire story, his outlook on relationships and values ​​has also changed. "Life, relationship, expression all have limits", says Chandra.