On a recent day, the public bus going from Ravi Bhavan to Harhar Mahadev was packed with passengers as usual, and there was a normal traffic flow outside. Everyone was silent inside the bus. Even in that silence, the atmosphere was not quiet or noiseless.

A passenger who had been given a seat was scrolling through 'TikTok' on his mobile. Throughout the entire hour-long journey, he watched many videos at high 'volume' without giving in to the pressure. If he liked a video, he would watch it repeatedly, and if he didn't like it, he would immediately scroll to another.

No one asked him to lower the volume, no one responded, perhaps no one noticed! Everyone was just engrossed in their mobile phones. The bus continued to move at its own pace, the passengers remained glued to the screen.

Such scenes have now become very common in public places. Everyone seems to be absorbed in their mobile phones, oblivious to the activities of others.

A new word has recently been added to the English dictionary to describe this trend – ‘phubing’. This word, made by combining the words ‘phone’ and ‘snubbing’, means – focusing all your attention on your smartphone, ignoring the people around you.

At first glance, phubing may seem like a normal distraction or a person being distracted by their phone or not such a big problem. However, when we look at such small incidents as a whole, it is found that it is reflecting a large and subtle change in society. This change is that the attention that people give to each other in public places is no longer spontaneous or normal. People’s attention is divided equally between the mobile screen and the other person. In most cases, that attention has completely disappeared inside the mobile screen.

Friendship with devices, silence with people

Arjun Kandel, who runs ‘Arya Khaja Ghar’ in Tinkune, has seen a big change in customer behavior in the past five years. ‘Earlier, people used to come here not only to have lunch, but also to chat and make new connections,’ he says, ‘but now that rarely happens. Even when people sit together, they are not with each other. Earlier, people used to hear people’s murmurs, laughter and jokes, but now the sound of Reels and TikTok is heard.’ According to him, although social media has made communication easier, it has affected human relationships.’

This change is not just a matter of etiquette or confusion. It is changing the nature of daily interactions, how people sit together, how deeply they listen to each other and how easily they distance themselves. This has not only affected human relationships, in some cases it is also creating insecurity.

Meera Tamang, a 24-year-old student from Dolakha, finds online conversations emotionless and artificial. When she was in Dolakha, she loved the moments of walking around the village in the evening with friends and talking about the future and dreams. Now, she feels that even meeting friends seems formal and planned. ‘We are adding so many filters, real and honest relationships are disappearing,’ says Tamang. On Instagram, a user named ‘Life as Cry’ had posted a video on Jestha 10. In it, she saw the Yango driver she was riding riding a motorcycle while scrolling through reels on his mobile phone. The driver’s attention was divided between the road and the screen. ‘I rode for about 25 minutes watching reels, TikTok and YouTube shorts. I almost got into an accident several times. I ignored repeated warnings. Towards the end of the journey, the carelessness increased even more,’ she wrote in the caption. ‘We are adding too many filters, real and honest relationships are disappearing - Meera Tamang

A decade ago, when load shedding was at its peak in Nepal, social life was different. People would sit on rooftops and talk to neighbors, discuss politics in nearby squares, and family members would sit around candles or lamps and chat. ‘Back then, when the lights were on, my father would listen to the news,’ says Tamang. ‘After the lights went out, he would ask me how my day was or what my homework was.’ Without mobile screens like today, gossip would arise naturally and spontaneously.

Smartphones have made people self-centered: Rameshwori Pant

According to writer and sociologist Rameshwori Pant, such a change is now starting to be seen deep inside the home. Smartphones have made people self-centered. ‘Even if family members sit in the same room, there is no time to talk to each other,’ she says. ‘Earlier, after work in the evening, stories and experiences were exchanged. News, ideas and daily life were discussed in the village squares and squares. Now, many things have shifted to the screen.’

Pant believes that the habit of parents giving mobile phones, especially to young children to distract or keep them calm, is eroding their enthusiasm for communication. She says that children are losing their enthusiasm for talking to their parents and that they also do not have time to tell stories, folk tales or interesting experiences. This is distancing children from the knowledge and life experiences of their elders.

People are becoming more and more isolated in today's 'interconnected world' due to many reasons. People are starting to feel lonely even when they are in a crowd. Psychosocial consultant Drishti Moktan points out that this can have serious mental effects. According to her, roaming, casual chats and unplanned meetings are important for a person's emotional health. 'We get to talk openly, interact and express ourselves with our people,' she says, 'This helps to lighten the mind.' She says that laughter in public places and time spent with other people balance a person's emotions.