Saguna Shah opens a drawer in the corner of the room. There are stacks of books and copies all over the shelves. She seats him on a nearby table. She slowly turns the pages of the paper. There were stories, poems, songs written in letters on the page. But whose? "Mamika, these are all Mamika," says author-translator Shah, showing the manuscript.

What does Saguna find when looking at the old and dark letters? 'Mummy's feeling, understanding of life, deep thinking,' she tries to guess, 'while writing this, I know what she is going through.'

The name of the author written by pen in the manuscript is Sangeeta Shah. She is Saguna's mother. Saguna alone? No, not even Sister Pray.

Sangeeta lived an interesting life. Even now she is spreading herself in the same desirable life. Not only her own life, she made her daughters' lives equally desirable. Instead, she faced the terrible situation alone. Even now. Someone asks Saguna about her mother's age. She says, '75... And he stopped counting his age.' Saguna counts a few numbers with her fingers. "Did you reach 80," she then laughs.

Saguna writes essays. She reviews books. She conducts a series of debates related to reading culture. The Nepali translation of Shiva Shah's novel 'The Other Queen' translated by him is popular among readers. 

The same translator has another translation book in front of him at the moment. That Mother Sangeeta expressed emotions in Nepali - Shrimad Bhagwat Satsang Gita. Sangeeta prefers the spiritual path. However, they do not stop standing against the wrong rules created in the name of religion. Saguna is flipping through her mother's creations at her home in Sukedhara and reminiscing about her nature and past. She narrates, "Mami says, 'Sail them in the Ganga one day.'"

"But why?"

"Life is not immortal. What to do with it taking up space?'' She quotes Sangeeta's precise answer. Saguna tere po this word of her mother, instead she collects it carefully. Like collecting cassettes of songs recorded by mom. Like collecting letters written by grandmother to mother. Sometimes she listens to cassettes. Sometimes she turns the letter. And she pulls out a bag of old stories her mother told her.

...

Mother Sangeeta was born in Khadka family of Kupandol. Saguna feels like a movie story when she hears her childhood troubles. Like a girl who goes to school to study from home, jumps and swims in Bagmati all day long. Return home after evening. "But I didn't believe it until I saw Mami swimming with my own eyes," says Saguna, "It was difficult to believe which story was true and which was false." When the interval was over, in the next seat was his father. Father and daughter have been watched. Both are angry. Both of them have promised, "Don't say at home watching the movie." 

'Does this happen anywhere? Saguna questions the credibility of the story narrated by the mother. Many such anecdotes that Saguna heard were mixed between lies and truths.

Army, mother Sangeeta's family background. 

Ba Rana Prime Minister Mohanshamsher's ADC. Baje is Chandrashamsher's. Sangeeta's younger brother also ADC of King Virendra. There was discipline in the house. But Sangeeta got freedom along with discipline.

Once he rode a motorcycle with his brother behind him. He didn't know much about brakes at that time. An army jeep was coming from behind. The jeep did not find its way. She suddenly stopped by braking. The army officer who got out of the jeep roared angrily, 'Which one is Salee?' When he saw Sangeeta, then he calmed down and said, 'Ah, Sale means Sali po parich.' The officer happened to be Sangeeta's cousin.

Sangeeta graduated in Psychology from RR Campus. During her graduation, she recited poems and sang songs in the campus. She used to play. She used to play badminton. Around the year 2026, one day Prakash Vikram Shah came to the campus to watch a play. He looked at Sangeeta who was acting and said, 'I will marry this girl.' Mother in between. Which way to turn? She was ambivalent. I would not go back to both sides. And Utano would come back and tell the story,' Saguna recounts.

by Prakash Vikram Shah of Baghdarbar. Growing up in Bagdarbar, I remember Saguna, its vast area, and the monastery. And, I remember, the mother fed her and her sister with great sadness. Even then, my mother used the trick of telling stories. Saguna remembers, "She used to tell stories while feeding my sister and me on the same plate. Even during normal times, Sangeeta would not miss telling stories to her daughters.

Saguna's four mothers. He is Miley's child. Being an officer of Prakash Vikram Napi Department, he spent most of his life in the districts outside Kathmandu. After marriage, mother Sangeeta also stayed in different districts along with Prakash Vikram. Sometimes Sindhuligarhi and sometimes Hetaunda. They spent ten years in Hetaunda.

Saguna was admitted to Saint Mary's at the age of 4. But the mother kept her daughter in Kathmandu and did not teach her. Later she sent her sister and Saguna to Darjeeling. Saguna was 7 years old when she went to Darjeeling. Sangeeta did not want to raise her daughters in a garden environment. She wanted her daughters to be seen as normal people. Saguna thinks, what would have happened if he had not gone to Darjeeling then?

Perhaps unaware of her identity, Saguna only heard Baa called Rajasaheb while growing up. Ranisaheb to mother. And call yourself Queen. He learned that his name was Saguna only after reaching Darjeeling. Otherwise, if someone asked her name, she would say, 'Sanu Maharani.' Saguna is continuously working on the development of reading culture through

bookaholics. Many debates and discussion programs have been conducted. If she doesn't see that activity, her mother asks, "Are you lost today?"

No one called him by that name in Darjeeling. At last he came to know his real name. Later, while returning, someone would politely request Sanu Maharani, 'Call me Saguna.' The mother complained, 'You kept me away from the daughters.' But the shadow of the courtier was not allowed to fall on the mother and the daughters. Good schooling was to be given. was to make them independent.

...

Life was beautiful. Saguna did not have to see the tears in her mother's eyes. Lightning flashed suddenly into rainbow-colored life. And the clouds covered it. 2042 became a tearful year. That year, Saguna experienced pain that she had never felt before. The mother fought like never before. Saguna was 11 years old and had come to Kathmandu to celebrate holidays.

Bako, who went to Veer Hospital to donate blood, suddenly had a stomach ache. He came home crying. He lay down on the bed in pain. Saguna saw tears for the first time on Ba's gentle face as he lay. Possible fear gripped Saguna. Bala was rushed to the hospital. But Ba could not reach the hospital. He closed his eyes forever. Ba was not going to return to their cries and screams. Ba went, sorrows came. Saguna remembers, 'Mummy's struggle started after daddy left.'

Saguna saw her mother swimming for the first time when she reached Allahabad to pay Ekah to her late father. At that time, she thought, "The swimming story told by Mamu is true". which used to come in conjunction with Ba. When Napi was the chief in Hetaunda, the chiefs of other departments used to go on picnics along the Rapti coast. Mother used to swim avidly. Bala was afraid of water. He used to call his mother 'Sanu Sanu'. Ba's mind calmed down only after mother came out after swimming.

But the mother's mind was not calm when she came out after swimming in the water in Allahabad.

...

Never cared about his land, property. A mother in a white dress fought the battle for rights. They did not ask for theirs. And she took it. "After that, I always saw mummy struggling alone," Saguna recounts.

Saguna's mother had one complaint for a long time. Sangeeta married her daughter at the age of 17. 

A mother who teaches 'good touch' and 'bad touch' from a young age, a mother who teaches about the use of pads during periods, a mother who teaches her to fight someone's abuse. A mother who sent her to train in swimming and tenwando. Why did she melt at that time? Why did the mother who taught you to be confident and capable become weak if something happens to you? Saguna rejected that marriage and said, "I will sue you." 

Mother had an ulcer. The mother, who was fighting alone after the absence of her father, must have been afraid, "Tomorrow they will have no guardian." "Mami must have needed a male figure, which she does not need anywhere else in her life," believes Saguna.

As the wedding approached, Saguna's heart was filled with the melody of divorce. She was distracted. The mother, who was reading her daughter's sad face, reached a point and said, "Don't say you don't want to." 

But at that time the time was very late.

After the arrival of two sons Saugat and Soumya, she was freed from married life. The mother still regrets her decision to marry without her daughter's consent. Nowadays, she talks about her relationship with her grandsons. She says, 'Living together is not bad either.' Saguna doubts her mother's suggestion, 'Did you say that as a grandson? If you had a daughter?'

...

Now the mother is in America with her younger daughter-in-law. Saguna's two sons are also out of school. Mother was together till 2018. When they were together, there was a repetition of disagreements between mother and daughter. Even now, the absence of my mother stings me from time to time. Saguna taught English literature and French in college for 15 years. When she went to teach college, mother used to keep her room clean in the morning because her daughter would get migraines. She used to keep juices, fruits. Saguna used to come home, rejecting her mother's taxes and saying, 'I don't want to eat. I came to eat outside.'

Saguna remembers, 'how much that would have hurt Mamu.'

Mother used to live in Saguna Vallo's house before going to America. That house is now given on rent. The other house was empty. Saguna started living in her own space in an empty house. Sometimes mother used to come from America. However, there was always a quarrel with the mother about small things. As if Saguna kept the cup down, her mother would throw it up. I like to drink tea in a tea cup. Mummy keeps the cups full and keeps the cup with Happy Birthday. I look for my ownership, mommy for hers,' says Saguna. 

Mother keeps trying to feed something. Don't eat Saguna. A mother will never be silent. Sometimes she was cutting tree branches. Saguna used to get angry when she saw her mother running unnecessarily.

When Saguna was alone, she didn't always spend time reading articles. At that time she also starts to drop the dry leaves of the tree with a stick. He wonders, 'The leaf falls by itself. Why am I dropping it?'

What I didn't like about mummy, now I am slowly becoming the same,' says Saguna. Now the sons jokingly say to Saguna, 'You too are like yourself (mother). He walked like himself, he also spoke.'

...

Some time ago Saguna's family had a gathering in London. They gave each other joint time after years. Seeing her mother's energy at that time, Jil ate Saguna. Saguna thought, 'Mom who doesn't get tired no matter how much she walks, how strong is she?'

Mother keeps watching her daughter's activities from a distance. Through Bookaholics, Saguna is continuously working on the development of reading culture. Many debates and discussion programs have been conducted. If she doesn't see that activity, her mother asks, "Are you lost today?"

Mother also has a complaint with Saguna, for not studying. Saguna thought that her sons would go abroad for studies, and that she too would go to another country for her PhD. She was also looking for a university. After reaching a point, I thought, 'Where should I go leaving my aging mother? Instead, wherever I go, I take mom with me.'' While she was looking for a university, her mother flew to America. Now she says, 'It's been 15 years since I heard your PhD.  Don't do