What to do when you get older? The mind is still restless. Age may take a break, but desires and aspirations will not stop. Since childhood, I have been wishing that I could do this or that. However, none of my desires have been fulfilled yet. Still, the mind is not there - the hope continues.

Sometimes there are too many expectations. At such times, if the desire remains unfulfilled, it hurts. Who will tell me if my heart hurts? There is no one to listen to those who do not have it. That is how it feels these days.

I am now 56 years old. In a few years, the remaining enthusiasm and energy will fade away. Since 2069 BS, I have been repairing bicycles in a small place behind Dhangadhi Sub-metropolitan City to make myself suffer. At that time, I could not complete my studies. What work can I do except work after not studying? But, I could not kill the desire to study. That is why I am continuing my studies.

Even at this age, many people are surprised to see that I have studied. Some are even surprised. I am studying MA in English at Kailali Multipurpose Campus. After all, what can I do after studying at this age? But still I work from morning till 3 pm. Then I go to college.

I am working with the belief that whatever comes in life, I will experience it. My house is in Matiyari, Dhangadhi Sub-metropolitan City-6. I have a wife and two sons at home. All the household expenses are met by repairing this bicycle. Earlier, I used to earn 1500 to 2000 per day. I used to earn up to 40/50 thousand per month. But now I don't earn that much. I barely earn 900/1000 per day. Adding everything together, it reaches 30/35 thousand per month.

With this money, I have to pay 3000 monthly tax to the municipality for keeping a market stall. I have incurred a loan of 1 million while building a house. The bank did not give me a loan because I did not have a numbered land. I have taken a loan from two cooperatives. 17 thousand to one cooperative and 8 thousand to another cooperative, 25 thousand monthly installments have to be paid . There is 14 percent interest . If the installment is missed even for one month, the cooperative owners come to the house . 

They call everyone in the group and torture them by saying that your person could not pay the installment, they will arrange everything . Bank loans would be easier . But banks do not give loans to people like us . They look at real estate, property, and earnings . I spend all the money I earn on necessary work . There is no unnecessary expense . 

My sons study at Galaxy Boarding School . The eldest has to pay 34 hundred and 50 and the youngest 31 hundred and 50 monthly fees . The installments and the sons' education cost more . The most painful thing is that I am in debt . If there were no debt, life would be happy .

But I don't worry too much . I am working with the belief that whatever comes in life, will be experienced . I don't have any health problems . I am healthy . But sometimes I worry that other family members will fall ill . I have to pay 17 thousand installments on the 24th of every month . I also have to pay my sons' fees . I have to raise that money somehow .

The government could have worked for the downtrodden community and uplifted their lives, but it doesn't . The people in the government consider themselves the government . They act as they please . Their work has become a chain for the big ones and a law for the small ones . The people are the same . 

It is surprising to see the youth going abroad . They cannot work in their own country . They suffer when they go to other countries . I have been making bicycles for 13/14 years . This is also generating income. But they consider it a small job. Is any job big or small?

I don't have any big dreams. But the desire to use a good mobile phone is deep in my mind. I have to read a lot of things online. I haven't been able to buy a good mobile phone. I run out of money while paying installments, school fees, and household expenses. Where is the point of spending money for your own desires?