Ajirkot-4, Simjung's Jhyawan is my birthplace. However, I don't feel like going back to my birthplace. I don't feel happy even without visiting the place where I have my belongings. I go to the village during festivals. But even now, when I go to the village, my heart feels heavy. As soon as I come, I feel like going back to Chitwan.

The earthquake that struck on April 12, 2015 not only damaged my house, but also brought a thunderstorm to my life.

I became homeless after losing my wife. After that, the village where I was born began to feel heavy. It has been about 10 years since I moved to Chitwan in the same village. Now, I am doing whatever work I can in Chitwan. I make a living from the amount I earn as a wage laborer. Sometimes I work on an agricultural farm or as a contractor, and I don't realize how long the day has passed. That's it - I eat as much as I can.

On April 12, 2015, I was walking down the valley. At that moment, the earthquake struck. The sky became cloudy. I panicked. What had happened? I ran back home, wondering what had happened. All the houses along the way had collapsed. What had happened to my house? I was worried. When I reached the courtyard, I saw that the house had collapsed. And I brought my wife (Kuntadevi) with a knife. The knife did not return from anywhere. I did not find her when I searched. The buffalo, a bullock, and 4/5 goats in the barn were crushed to death. That night passed in a panic. The next day, the army and police came to the house. When they cleared away the remains of the house, they found that my wife had died of being crushed. One of my wife's eyes was weak. I was not at home. The eldest son was in Malaysia. The youngest son had also gone to water the fields that day. However, after losing my life partner, my world felt empty. I somehow managed to complete 13 days of household chores. We spent some time in the old place and spent a few days. The animals also died in the earthquake. Then I went down the valley and started a goat farm. What should I do after opening a goat farm with an investment of more than one lakh rupees? A leopard ate the goats and made me confused. I left the village with a broken heart. Soon after, I sold the goats, which I also had sons, and went to Chitwan.

Even if I work, it is okay to be happy, but always sad.

Even if I do not earn according to my sorrow, it is enough to eat. Working on a farm, I earn up to 10 thousand rupees a month. I used to be able to eat and live where I worked. Even if I work, it is okay to be happy, but always sad. There is no other disease in my life except ‘gastric’.  I earn a little bit as long as my pulse is beating, I feel like I am saving . My two sons are in Chitwan . Their studies are not good . I feel like they should have gone abroad and earned money while they were young . Instead, if they showed interest in going abroad, I would have also given them more money . But, they have not felt like going abroad . The pain of losing my wife has not stopped hurting me . I feel like I don’t get the support from others like a husband and wife .  How much can I do?