”There is a cold wave now. Not only can I wear clothes at home, I can't even buy a single piece of clothing. I spend the whole day lying by the fire. At night, I sleep in a blanket.”
What you should know
Twelve years ago, my husband Lalgovinda Majhi died. After that, I was alone. Not only was I alone, but then the sorrow also began. I have three sons. But now I don't have one. Just as a chick leaves the nest after it has feathers, so too have my children left me.
I also had many desires. Eating delicious food, wearing nice clothes, educating my sons and making them government employees was a big dream. It is useless for people like us to dream. My family responsibilities are nothing now. I would have been able to eat my fill that very evening and morning. I could not have hoped for more happiness and peace than that.
I feel like my house will collapse and I will be crushed. I don't even have a way to reach my sons. If someone could reach them about my situation, how many people would be affected. The Musahar settlement of Chetnagar village, Chandrapur-9, is my world. This is where my small hut is. I live alone inside the hut. The land where my thatched house is also known is also a public place. My husband used to work as a laborer. He would earn a little and meet the household expenses. He died in 2070 BS. After that, my only support was my sons. When they needed support, they also left home. I considered the elder Bhagirat, the younger Ramkrishna and the younger Jagrit as my property. I don't know where they are now.
The cold wave is currently raging. I haven't been able to buy warm clothes to wear. I sleep in a blanket. It doesn't keep me warm and I miss my sons. I am a mother, no matter what my children do, their love continues. When the allowance money runs out, I buy rice, lentils, salt, and oil from the shop. When I cook and eat, I remember my sons. If I had stayed at home, they would have been married. My daughter-in-law would have cooked and fed them. I would have spent my days playing with my grandchildren. I would have cooked and eaten on days when there was food. I go to bed hungry on days when there is no food. I don't have the energy to cook in this cold. For me, lentils and rice are the eighty-four dishes. I can't even imagine fish and meat.
Not only can I not afford to wear clothes at home, I haven't even been able to buy a single piece of clothing. I spend the whole day lying by the fire. It hurts a lot at night. I sleep on a straw mat. I cover myself with a blanket from above to keep out the cold. I have also requested my neighbors to ask for help from somewhere. Bir Bahadur Shrestha, who lives next door, said that he has spoken to his helper. The house is about to collapse. I can't cut the grass to build a fence. I wish I could repair it. But, I don't have the money. There are holes all around, so air gets in. I feel like my house will collapse one day. I don't even have a way to tell my sons. If someone told them about my situation, how many people would have been affected.
There is no toilet at home, so I am afraid to go out at night. It is difficult to defecate in the open. Still, I go out of compulsion. In fact, many people in the village do not have toilets. There is a similar problem with drinking water. I had asked my husband to install a toilet and a drinking water tap. He also said yes. That was all. He died before starting the work. After that, I waited for my sons. While they were earning and running the house, they also became millionaires. This is how a lonely life goes on.
Presentation: Shiv Puri
Published in the Household Expenses column Also read other materials
