”Hunger was something we used to endure from the beginning, but now it's our children who are killing and cutting us. Our daughter had a problem, and since last Shrawan, our son Kuber's mental condition has also deteriorated, so now we all have to decide whether to live or die.”
What you should know
My husband's name is Madhan. He is now 70 years old. I am also 60 years old now. My age was reduced when I got my citizenship. I have two sons and a daughter. I have a small hut in Mizari Tole, Chainpur. My husband carries heavy loads all day long. His job is to carry the luggage of those who travel by bus. On days when he doesn't get it, he delivers gas and rice bags from the market to their rooms.
Even if someone has to move a room, they come home to call my husband. They earn three to four hundred a day. A day without work is never a good day. Sometimes if I get work, I also carry heavy loads. Earlier, there was no one in Chainpur who could carry as much weight as my husband. The truck was named after him. I would come straight to Chainpur to carry a one-quintal sack of rice picked up from Dewal. I would carry it from Bajhang to Achham, Bajura, Doti, Dadeldhura. I would also carry goods for traders from Jhulaghat in India.
During the armed conflict, the Maoists beat me badly in Tamil because I was carrying army goods. They tried to kill me. When the people of the market stood up and said that they would not let me kill a person who carries heavy food, they left. There were wounds all over my body. We sold the money we earned by carrying heavy loads, the jewelry we wore on my nose and ears, and got treatment. From that time on, I can't carry heavy loads like before. We applied for relief as conflict victims. Our names didn't come up. Those who weren't victims got a lot of money.
Last November, my brother sent me new clothes from India. That's what I changed into after three-four years. It was eight years ago that my husband bought the coat. She hasn't worn new clothes since then. She wears old clothes given to her by others. Out of the money I earn, I spend about three thousand rupees a month on rice. I need another five or six thousand rupees to buy pulses, oil, vegetables, and spices. I had to buy soap and detergent. We borrow money to pay back after carrying heavy loads. We pay back when we get the money. If no one lends us money, we will have to starve. We have been starving for many days. We still have to pay 40/50 thousand in the market.
Hunger was a habit from the beginning. Nowadays, enemies have been born within the house. It has been five years since Pushpa, my 30-year-old daughter, lost her mental balance. After getting married and having a grandson, she started wandering around. She would walk wherever she wanted, sometimes sleeping on the road, sometimes sleeping in the fields. When her son did not care, we took her to Kathmandu for treatment.
The same thing happened to her 23-year-old eldest son Kuber two years ago. We took him to the district hospital. The hospital gave him medicine and he recovered. Last year in Mangsir, he went to India to earn money and pay off his debts. After going to India, the medicine ran out. When he came home in Baisakh, he had earned 50,000 rupees and brought it back. Till then, he was fine. Now he will work here and told me not to go to India. Since his mental condition has deteriorated since Shrawan, now we are all in danger of dying. When he comes home, he vandalizes things and beats up anyone he meets. He beat his father to a bloody pulp one night in the month of Shrawan. He almost killed him. The neighbors came and saved him. He had to be treated in the hospital for three days. After receiving treatment in Patan for four months, she seemed to be fine. The doctor had said that she should stay for another year. We had no money. We had already incurred a debt of 300,000. We brought her here thinking that she would be fine. Within two to three months of bringing her here, the same thing happened again. Now her husband has married another woman and left her. She has also left her.
In Bhadau, he hit me with a stick. I fainted. That day, the neighbors found out and informed the police. The police took me to the hospital. They put eight stitches on my head. Even now, I get scared as soon as I see him. No one has been able to stay at home because of that. Even when I cook and eat, someone has to stay outside to see if he comes.
When I know that Kuber has come, I have to leave the food that is being cooked and run away. After he started beating my brother, who is in eighth grade, we have also kept him in someone else's house. My brother's studies were very good. Now his studies have also deteriorated. Should we run away or study? What should the poor do? Sometimes we sleep at our neighbor's house. Sometimes we sleep hiding around the house.
We have been carrying the burden of others all our lives. Even though we had a broken jaw, we could sleep peacefully at night. Now we have to run away with our own children, fearing that they will meet us and kill us. We will attack whatever we see on the road. We cannot sleep because we are worried about when it will happen. Why is this a disaster for us?
They say that after treatment, we will get better. Who will give us medicine after we get rid of it? If someone says something, they will rush to the hospital. I have heard that there are places where such people are locked up and treated. They say that treatment is available in Kathmandu too. How can we get there? It will cost money, where will we get it? In old age, we have to die or live. I would have been blessed if I had found a God who would cure my children. We would have breathed our last with satisfaction at the time of death.
