I grew up in a family that didn't eat what was available, but what was available. The village where I was born is also remote. Tila Rural Municipality-7, Pokhari Village is remote in the district. There was no environment for reading and writing in the village. And what was the point of education? There were very few educated people. When I got older, it was customary to go to Kalapahad for employment.

I am now 43 years old. I was spending my days wandering around the village. It was in 2057/058. I joined the then Maoist rebellion to change the situation and system.

At that time, our village was a gathering place for Maoist cadres. I also joined the rebellion at a young age. The party named me 'Comrade Arjun'. At that time, the Maoist slogans sounded poignant. During the rebellion, I became the section commander of the Maoist's sixth division.

While fulfilling the responsibilities of the Maoist rebellion, I forgot my family. After I was injured during the war, the Maoist party also stopped watching. There was no option but to return home empty-handed. The party came to power with the peace process. Injured people like us were left stranded. When I remember the moment I was pulling the trigger of a gun for the liberation of the country and the people, my heart aches.

The household produce is not enough to eat for 6 months. It is impossible to imagine getting treatment at such a time. I was injured and did not join the army. I had to return to my village. My friends who fought with me at that time have now become leaders and big businessmen. But, I could not do anything because I was injured. Sometimes I feel like I would have been happy if I had died in the battle.

I feel very regretful when I remember the clashes that took place from Khalanga, the headquarters of Jumla, to Pandaun in Kailali, Beni in Myagdi, Kusum in Banke and other places. I feel like I fought to ruin the future. The then Maoist party has also been divided into many pieces. They say that Maoism has disappeared and the Nepali Communist Party has been formed. This has added to the pain.

I was shot in the right leg in the Pandaun clash in Kailali. Now I need support even when I walk around. There are bomb fragments in my right hand and waist. Now it is difficult to raise food for my family. The household products are not enough to eat for 6 months. I can't even imagine getting treatment at a time like this.

I have 6 daughters. All of them go to school. The income I earn from running a business is not enough to buy paper, pens and clothes. I have to take out loans to buy medicine. I can't sleep well or walk easily due to my body aches. The medicine was not available due to financial constraints, the party did not evaluate it. I can't work in the fields. The wound under my right knee has not healed. I can't carry heavy things.

On the one hand, I have the responsibility of taking care of my family, and on the other hand, I have to worry about how to survive. 14 years ago, I participated in a program at the Rehabilitation and Development Center for the Disabled and shared my pain. I proposed what I could do. The center provided a sewing machine at an 80 percent grant with the help of donors.

The villagers are now surprised that they cannot do anything. According to the Task Force for the Collection of Data on Conflict-Affected Persons, Families and Structures under the former Ministry of Peace and Reconstruction, 338 people were killed in Jumla during the armed conflict. 7 people are missing. The task force's data shows that 142 of the 27 displaced people are living with disabilities. I am also among them.

I earn a minimum of 60 to 80 thousand rupees a year by sewing clothes. All the money is spent on paper, pens, clothes, and food for my daughter. Sometimes, when I have savings, I buy clothes. I buy thread and needles.