During the rainy season, it is difficult to sleep because of water leaks in the house. The water comes in more inside than outside the house. The plastic has also become torn and wrinkled. Now there is no way to put another plastic. Fortunately, the old age allowance comes and I don't have to starve.
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Who cares if it's not written in fate? I was young when I left home. I didn't even know where to go or what to do. Still, I wandered around the Black Mountains and Himachal Pradesh, sometimes following my friends. The aim was to earn a living by working hard. I visited various cities in India until I reached the age of the person who went to the Black Mountains as a child.
My ancestral home is Jajarkot. I have no meaning to my home anymore because I have problems eating. I went to India when I was young thinking that it would be easier to eat in the morning and evening and wear a single garment. I don't remember much about that time. It has been 15 years since I returned from India and started living in Baduwal Tole on the banks of the Jogbuda River in Dodhara Chandni Municipality-3. We are living here with two elderly people after buying a piece of land. I am now 71 years old. I am old now. I can't do anything. We have survived on old age allowance. I worry about how I will survive if the old age allowance comes late. I get old age allowance of Rs 4,000 per month and the old woman gets Rs 2,660 per month. We buy everything from that, including salt, oil, flour, rice, pulses and vegetables. We have not been able to buy gas cylinders. We have to cook with firewood. Now, in my old age, I cannot even go to the forest to bring firewood.
I myself am a respiratory patient. I have to take medicine regularly. The medicine is also based on the old age allowance. I was doing well with food. It is very difficult to work and not having any means of income.
It is very difficult to get medicine. Sometimes, the old woman works as a wage laborer during the farming season to earn a little salt and oil. Our ancestral profession is singing. My father raised his family by singing songs while traveling around the village. Now I do not know that skill and art. If I had known how to sing, I would have wandered around the village begging like my father. I didn't even have that skill.
We have five daughters. They are all married. Everyone has gone to their own homes. We have become old and old alone. Our daughters come during festivals. At that time, we can't even feed them sweet and savory food. When we are sick and in trouble, we turn to our daughters. But it doesn't feel good to always be a burden to our daughters.
Earlier, I had built a mud house on the banks of the Jogbuda River by annexing a piece of land. Now this mud house has also become dilapidated. Now I don't have the courage to build it, nor can I buy wood for it. I had dreamed that I would be able to sleep in a house that wouldn't leak in my old age, but now that dream has also disappeared in a dream.
It is difficult to sleep during the rainy season due to water leakage in the house. The water comes inside the house more than outside. The plastic has also been torn and crumpled. Now there is no way to put another plastic. Thankfully, the old age allowance comes and we do not have to die of hunger. If that did not come, what would have happened to us! Even remembering it makes me sad.
Presentation: Bhawani Bhatt
