It is about year 2068/69. The adjustment work between the People's Liberation Army and the Nepali Army was progressing rapidly. At that time, the life of the Jan Mukti Sena, which was living in collectivity, suddenly became miserable. Those who wanted to go to work opted for adjustment.

Many opted for voluntary retirement saying that we are a political ideological army, not an army that came to get a job. Those who want to take voluntary retirement choose to retire with a lump sum. I also opted for voluntary retirement with a lump sum as a major. But now the confusion has increased as to how it will be restored in the society.

The ten-year party taught that everything should be shared and eaten, intending to sacrifice life as if it were the final battle. From his share of real estate to his wife's jewelry, he sold it and put it into the movement. But after retirement, it was difficult to sustain the profit for the rest of his life.

The conflict and bitterness planted after the Madhesh movement between the Madhesi and Pahadis was the same. There was no stopping the violent activities of Jayakrishna Goit and Jwala Singh in Madhesh. The incident of their capture while returning to the village is still fresh in the mind.

He did not realize that his own village had become a base area for another rebel. It was decided to stay in Lahan of Siraha, thinking that it would be safer even though the city was smaller than the village. I had an inter-caste civil marriage with the daughter of a martyr while living in a temporary camp. In that sense too, a lot of struggle had to be done in the restoration. Being born in an ordinary family, ancestral wealth was not much. It's the same now.

It was decided to buy a small piece of land in Lahan with the money from retirement and lead a profitable life in a small hut. I started looking for a suitable place and land so that family resettlement with security would be easy. During this time, he became friends with the brother of a martyr of the Jan Yuddha.

I asked him to look for land. He talked about giving five dhur numbered land near his house. For this he asked sixty thousand. I was very happy with his words. He also told other friends that he managed there. I had money in hand, I immediately gave 25,000. When it was time to give the land, he started to hesitate. When the brothers did not agree with the family, they asked to add another lakh. I was in a hurry to restore myself, I added.

My compulsion has become a business to rob him. He did not give the land for the second time either. Since they are 9 brothers of two mothers, they had to leave that land to others. Instead, he talked about giving the public land of Khutti Khola, which he occupied next to it. As the money was not coming back, I had no choice but to accept his offer. As I had just come from the camp, I was not that well known in the society.

There was a compulsion to start life from a new vein. He had to accept the people he associated with. The party had a habit of living together, sharing food and serving the people. It is not the cheater, but the cheater who is ashamed. Told this to some local comrades. They also said that they were cheated. After that, I fell in love. 

I was trying to buy land for the first time in my life. Later on, I realized that for that amount of money, I would get four acres of land in another place. But what to do? There is nothing left but to repent. Friends advised him to ask for the money back. He also told that he would buy another land.

The land they mentioned was good even though it was some distance away. If I could get that land, today I would be standing in the millionaire's row. But after the money taker said that it cannot be returned, whatever he gives, whatever he says, has to be accepted. I had no idea that there would be so much dishonesty from the Shaheed family. For the sake of the brother in the bay, I cheated twice as much as the brother of the martyr. One even had to file a check bounce case. 

In this way, some 'comrades' cheated and ran out of retirement money. How I have come to this point by leading my family life after that – that painful Ram Kahani is preserved in the diary of my own mind, which I share with Namitho from time to time. I am a representative character. There are thousands of such stories.

My family resettlement in Lahan, the birthplace of the Madhesh movement, was not a pleasant one. There is a saying in Maithili – 'Kalalak beta bhukhe marai ta daru pike matal kahai'. It means that if the son of a kalal is dying of hunger without food, he thinks he is drunk after drinking alcohol. In Madhesh, the main occupation of the Kalal caste is to make and sell alcohol and thus make a living. This proverb is aimed at that caste. I apologize if this offends any caste's self-esteem. 

The condition of honest leaders-activists associated with the Maoist movement is like this recently. They are starving. Some have been sweating it out abroad since then to run their broken household. But society's view has not changed. Even the property acquired by sweating is said to be 'taking out looted during the Maoist era'.

The life of those who joined the Maoist movement with inherent aspirations is luxurious during the movement and even now, but the life of those who are motivated by the spirit of change in the selfless movement is equally painful then and even now. For radical change, the family and society they revolted against, today, they have to return to the same problem of rehabilitation.

People's expectations towards Muktiyoddha have not changed. Even today, if there is any injustice, people come looking for Maoists. The Maoist-turned-society does not know. For the sake of emancipation, their relationship with family and society has increased, and their relationship with party politics has also increased in recent times. Divorce is the same for populist marriages that were broken by the people's war. Even the children born from their wombs are not in a position to be proud of saying that I was born from the wombs of an exemplary couple of the society.