The advice given by the counselors is the cover of that patriarchy. Whenever it comes to divorce, I have started following Chanakya's policy. He says, 'Just listen. But, take the decision yourself.
Nowadays everything in the market has increased in cost. But one thing is very cheap - advice. Jamaat Bagrelti is found for those who give free advice without asking for it. I have a brother who is younger than me. They address her as sister with great respect.
He doesn't know anything except my name and profession. He heard from somewhere that I am divorced. It was fine until I got this notification. That was not enough for him. He began to give in-depth advice on this matter. Without any help, they start suggesting that 'it would have been better if we hadn't divorced'. What caused it? why did He has collected as many questions as he can.
One day, he was surprisingly 'judgmental' and suggested, 'Didi, you did not fix it by leaving your husband. Like you, so-and-so women have also divorced. They also left their husbands drunk like you.'
It's been a year since the divorce. The court considered the divorce proper and granted it. However, single women like me and myself have not been able to escape from the clutches of those who repeatedly give advice and suggestions about marriage.
Not only these colleagues but also people from higher positions have a lot of advice to give me. There are people who ask my husband first without asking my name. I am not happy just being 'single'. Another supplementary question is asked - 'Did the husband pass away?'
A neighbor's sister started crying without saying the word of divorce. 'Kathai Nani, you are suffering a lot.' What does he know - I am enjoying the extreme celebration of happiness from that divorce! The fuss that our society makes about marriage is unknowingly putting women under stress.
Society has given so much importance to marriage that it is considered as the ultimate goal of life. Instead of being proud of what the children have built a future for, it seems important whether they got married or not. Being married and not being married can be taken easily, so there is no need to bite the tongue in divorce.
Neither marriage is the height of life nor divorce is the end of life. Both these are just different dimensions of relationship. However, the advisors who are ready to advise me do not understand this much. Some of them are giving suggestions - 'Now you have to get married again. It is difficult to live life alone.'' There is no other option but to laugh.
Some suggestions are spoken just for the sake of speaking. Which are useless and useless words. Water is sweet to the thirsty. There are plenty of people in our society who show expertise about relationships without even realizing the thirst of the thirsty.
It is uncertain how many years I will continue to receive advice and suggestions on this matter. Divorced artist Anita Bhattarai's statement gives me a lot of self-strength. When I was running through the court process, she said while sipping tea - 'Nani, society does not allow us to live happily even after leaving our husband. Here are those who appreciate the step-by-step relationship. Don't panic, listen with one ear, blow with one ear.'
The rights activist Rasana Didi (Rasana Dhakal) who fought the case on my behalf has understood my inner relationship. She still never suggested you do this and do that. Every time she says - 'Do what your heart thinks.'
Our society does not allow women to imagine a life without a husband. This does not mean that a married man does not want a woman. Feminist writer Simone de Beauvoir's book 'The Second Sex' has the essence - don't see women as objects. He is a complete personality and a human being. When women are recognized as human beings, their freedom is respected and equality blossoms.
Counselors' advice is a cover for that patriarchy. Whenever it comes to divorce, I have started following Chanakya's policy. He says, 'Just listen. But, take your own decision.'
