Eighty years! Eighty years, not a short time. When I count the days of my life, I feel happy that I have lived as long as I have lived. When a relative or someone I know dies at an old age, a wave of uneasy imagination rises on the wall of my mind wondering when it will be my turn.

Some of the few educated old people around him who were alive went into oblivion, some walked with a stick on their backs. Some lost their eyesight, some lost their hearing. Some have become infirm prisoners of bed. When I see his plight, I think that my direction will be the same and the situation in the near future will be the same. 

Immortality is a natural human desire. The talk of the dead by the living after death is a small glimpse of immortality. The obituaries of some public figures after their death, i.e. the deceased's story, are said to hold this symbol of immortality. Is it not natural to have a desire to open your obituary written or unwritten in the heart of a self-absorbed person? I did not become a government hymn writer. There is no need to write my obituary from there. I am not a partisan writer. There is no need to write my obituary from there. I am not the son of any Shaktipeeth.

There is nothing to write my obituary from. I never formed a group. There was no question of my obituary being written by a faction that did not exist. From Babu, Sahu, Politburo Chief, ruling rulers, lords of Shaktipeeth to Ishwar, there is no need to throw arrows of question and missiles of criticism at everyone. Prudence is sure not to write my obituary from someone somewhere. Therefore, I have sat down to write my own obituary, aka the dead story, apologizing to the public for my egotistical arrogance. Whatever my beautiful or ugly life story is, it is basically my own creation. The eyes that see me and the eyes that judge my biography belong to others, only the hand that writes this obituary is mine.

In the end, Khagendra Sangraula destroyed the old world of mortals. In this mortal world, what is as strong as time? Khagendra's stubborn ego that he is me was also forced to go to Mukhenji Latrin. Khagendra was, in his own words, a materialist and an atheist. He probably does not have the hope of going to heaven and the fear of going to hell. Therefore, as he himself declared, after the cessation of worldly life he probably merged with the Panchamahabhutas.

Khagendra's will records his wishes after death. Euthanasia was his ardent wish. When the body is decayed and the mind is corrupted, when the usefulness of life for oneself and for others is lost, it is futile to continue living. Therefore, euthanasia is a strategy to reduce the suffering of oneself and loved ones. This was Khagendra's argument in favor of euthanasia. Unfortunately, there is no legal system for voluntary death in Nepal. So at the end of his life, against his will, he and his loved ones suffered a lot. In the words of his will, it was a futile and unfortunate suffering. 

It was Khagendra's stated wish to completely abandon traditional rituals after his death. His wife became Tamu. There was no vermilion on his neck and no necklace around his neck, nor did he have bangles on his hands. That is why there is no need to wipe, pick and break those things that are not there. Respecting the wishes of the deceased, shaving the son's hair, wearing white clothes on the body, cutting off the whip and reciting 'Garuda Purana' etc. may not have happened. After the grief has subsided, his general wish that the loved one should put an interesting book and a delicious dessert in the hands of the neighborhood children in memory of the deceased will certainly be fulfilled. 

Khagendra's desire that the flag not be flown over his dead body seems utterly meaningless. Hoisting of flags on dead bodies requires appropriate qualifications. Where was that qualification in him? She was not worthy of the grace of the ruling palace. So why should he fly the national flag? That party was not a darling. So why should he fly the party flag? In this senseless desire of the deceased, there was a hidden desire that the flag would have been flown somewhere in the recesses of his psychology!

The wish of the deceased that his memoirs should not be published seems to be somewhat meaningless. How can it be printed if you have not earned people to print it by your actions? Here too, there was a hidden wish that a memoir would have been printed somewhere in the psyche of the deceased! The

seems to be that the life of the deceased Khagendra is a mess of inconsistencies and contradictions. She was a brahmin by birth, she never brought him. She was supposedly of high caste, he married Tamu of supposedly middle caste. The elders of the household used to worship a stone called Devi, and Chulbu, as a child, had worshiped a stone-made idol of the goddess. Babubaje used to listen to 'Garuda Purana' thinking it was divine, he destroyed its written form. Studied BA on Mahendra Ratna Jehendar scholarship, he fired countless arrows of words against Mahendraya regime. Being a

master, day and night he imposed the words of 'Mahendra Mala' mark on the brains of ignorant youths, night and night, he instilled in the minds of those youths the sparks of awakening that would lay the foundations of Mahendra power. The top commander of the Red rebel group announced his execution, later he gave a speech with the same commander's election agenda. She always walked on the sidelines of the Communist movement, and voted mostly for the Congress. In general, DP Bhandari was a staunch anti-communist, Khagendra had an exclusive friendship with Bhandari.

Kumar Nagarkoti targeted Khagendradi and said that his 'social realism destroyed literature'. He used to praise Nagarkoti as a 'Virlakoti' artist of language style and give Khagendra notebooks and pens as gifts. Vijayakumar Pandey, who was considered an 'arrogant bourgeois' in the leftist view, was a close friend of Khagendra. Vam Khagendra was in the very limited role of interviewing 'bourgeois' Pandey. Pradeep Giri was a staunch Congressman, Khagendra who could never be a Congressman was a dear friend of Pradeep. There was a time when Girijaprasad Koirala became the target of Khagendra's harsh ridicule. At another time, especially after the proclamation of the Republic, he became the most respected politician of Girija Khagendra. 

In philosophy of life, Khagendra was against nihilism. However, in the complex process of adopting and abandoning ideas, he himself became a nihilist. In his youth he was a Jund nationalist. In one hand he had the flag of red ideology, in the other hand he had the flag of central nationalism. Later, the real knowledge gained from life-behavior said - it was the result of distorted education imposed by Mahendramukhi communist school. In his own words, it was the two opposite flags of the world of thought.

As he looked in the mirror of his own experience, over time, nationalism came to him as hypocritical, spiteful and ugly. He saw a social divisive element in nationalism, which felt its superiority in the imagined insignificance of fellow countrymen and felt its superior 'Nepaliness' in the 'Nepality' of fellow human beings. And, he proclaimed - Nepalese society is a museum of socio-cultural diseases. There are two of the most deadly diseases among them. They are - nationalism and caste untouchability.

Khagendra termed these two diseases as 'psychiatry', for which he was roundly condemned by nationalist and ritualist brothers. In summary, nationalism adoption minus nationalism abandonment appeared to equal nihilism. Khagendra called Madhesi foreigners, imported, Bhatuwa, Marsya, Dhoti, black when he was intoxicated by the blinding intoxication of nationalism.

He said everything he had heard from the mouths of xenophobic nationalists. Later, inviting accusations of 'throwing stones in Nepal from Dashagajapari' from the nationalist palace, the same Khagendra went down to Madhesh to show his solidarity for the equal rights and dignity of Madheshis. In Khagendra's eyes, Madheshi was considered a person like himself, a Nepali like himself, in the mood transformed by the experience gained from the harsh reality of life. Here too, the same person as a foreign Madhese minus the same person as a Nepali like himself seemed to be equal to nihilism. The dead Khagendra was able to revive and land on the ground, what can you say in response to this argument!

Khagendra's loud and harsh voice of newspaper thunder spread far and wide in the vast circle of life. The subtle and artistic tone of his literature was limited to the narrow circle of life. Therefore, Khagendra's literary personality fell into the shadow of Akhbari Khagendra. Jo-Jo Akhbari became the star of mockery and sarcasm of Khagendra, he fell into the fierce anger of the lords and devotees of that palace. He called him a 'cheeky writer', a 'slanderous master', a 'master of negativity'. Had these accusers been cursed, Khagendra, in his own words, would have died hundreds of times before. Again, in his own words, the sadists, unable to counter-argue with ideas, showered hatred on Khagendra. He 

'Twake' became synonymous with his name. To make an unwavering 'twak', he poured money from Lanchaur towards Khagendra, showered dollars from ILO Sixty-Nine. He "Twake" Khagendra drank so much Twak, it is the eighth wonder that he has lived so many years after digesting Twak so quickly! Thinking from the point of view of humor, it seems that generous people have done well by supplying Khagendra with daily Twak. Khagendra lived as long as he lived with Twak, if he lived without Twak, he would have lived twice as much. For Vichara Khagendra, that defense without Twak is so dull and terrible!

When reading Khagendra's fierce criticism and ruthlessly sarcastic newspaper thunder, a vivid picture of him is imprinted in the mind of anyone - harsh, harsh and ruthless. But when he was close to Khagendra's words and discourses, another avatar of him would appear before his eyes. Gentle, polite and humble hence an attractive avatar. Who used to satsang with Khagendra at the wine table, another avatar of him would be visible there too.

Quiet and gentle, enjoys a slow sip, soft-spoken and interested in deep conversation. Or indulging in criticism, mockery and sarcastic remarks towards friends and oneself in front of the eyes. The Aringal army of different palaces, who are constantly trying to satisfy their petty interests by annoying Khwamit, who used to indulge in the business of defaming Khagendra as 'Twake' every day, when he was with him at the table of the sick, they were surprised to think that - this is fake. Khagendra is, Sakkali Khagendra Khasokhas is the same continuous 'Twake'.

The lord of many power centers tried to shut up Khagendra's mouth to get rid of the defamatory sarcastic words aimed at him. Sometimes he was dragged to Hanumandhoka in a sack and kicked on his buttock. Sometimes he told the story of being locked up in the Birganj Jail and putting an electric current on his tongue. Sage Devkota's murderer who said 'I will take action against the anti-incarnation of Vishnu'. Sometimes the rebel Maoists tried to arrest him in the capital and make him disappear, when he fired a loaded gun somewhere. However, Khagendra's speech did not stop. Nor did his writing take a vow of silence. Appreciators chanted—Wow, what 

courage! What bravery! What a bad attitude! However, Khagendra's statement about himself was different. In his confession, he used to say – Courage, bravery and bad attitude are only imaginary things. Yes, after every oppression and torture I tried to speak for truth and justice, but always afraid!  Khagendra's position in the communist castle of

thought was peculiar, neither friend nor foe type. In some respects he was obligingly acceptable in that palace, in others he was abominably repulsive. He made constant efforts to shed the deceptive cloak of communist pretensions. He exterminated the chanting communist populism and the practicing communist heikism. He never agreed to be confined in the cage called discipline of the Communist organization.

The communist comrades belonging to the party, who consider themselves to be pure, honest and stingy, called Khagendra a 'moderate revisionist'. Khagendra was the author of Mao's philosophical works. He also overturned piles of red literature from Russia and China.

Even in his original creations, there were glimpses of revolutionary and revolutionary consciousness. Due to all these deeds and works of Khagendra, he became a kind of horse in the left circle. Appreciate, he criticized the "traitor" Trotsky and comrade Stalin, condemn, he also did some undeniable good deeds. It was always difficult to find a balance between telling comrades and condemning them.

However, openly or covertly, he continued to abuse her as usual. When Khagendra carried a staff in the campaign of social justice and human dignity, sometimes appeared on the banks of the Bheri river where the blood of Navraj Vik was spilled, sometimes in Tikapur where Tharujan was destroyed and sometimes in Janpur where the flames of righteous rebellion were burning, his home Some of the 'everlasting revolutionaries' comrades who were watching Ramita sitting in a safe place thought it very difficult. Six Khaugnde was asked that the secret waste of the Wife to think of contemplat and the wide of the wings of thought and integrity. In response, he said: There is no such defective mystic. Neverbs your hand to be covered with someone who is tempted by temptation and make you love to make your faults to make your fault, you can have any temptation, governor, and oppressive eye. Wealthy and loved ones must be able to be confident about themselves and loved ones to become a window in life and loved ones. It is easy to say, it is not easy to do. The word-BREAK Khagendra was advanced. He did not even have access to support and subtle expression skills. However, the depth of expression of expression was scarcely insisted that he had a lack of diplomatic arts or not to use it with art. The result is very difficult. He stayed at the leaves with the heads of silk.