'Rice is delicious!' This is a saying that comes out of the mouths of common people in the village when talking about the taste of food. This time, after a decade, I also got a chance to go to Bhater. He was invited to a distant relative's wedding.

``Oh yes, today, spreading firewood on the garden table, in a group of hundreds, with juice dripping from elbows, khasi meat bag, thick dal and marsi rice!'' After SLC, I didn't get a chance to participate in any of the village feasts. That's why I was eager to taste my childhood again. But the atmosphere after reaching there made me sad.

Rangichangi Tripal has catering and pulau arrangement like a city hotel. It felt like participating in a star hotel party in the city, not a village wedding party. Neither Panchebaja, nor Bahun Bhanse, nor the youths of the village were ready to feed the guests. In the freezing cold of October, the people were swaying to the song 'Hai Haami' playing on the nearby sound system. I sat on the chair in the corner with some pulao and some choktas of meat on the plate .

While returning home, there was a conversation about marriage with the dai of the lower house . These days are gone when people come in the evening, people are welcomed by their in-laws by pouring water on them, weddings are made in the barn and married all night long in the presence of the best people from both sides, outside in the empty pakha around the agetha (a fire lit by smoking wood), the family side and the people side play the dance, and the next day in the afternoon they sit in a circle and have a feast by spreading firewood on the bari. He said, 'Now the city has entered here too, brother.'

Previously, it was known even when someone got married three villages away. Now that's all, after the wedding of someone other than a relative is posted on social media, it is known that 'so-and-so is also married'. But not all areas have changed as mentioned above. Even now, when talking about marriage, old interesting stories are popular in the village. It is still customary to ask, "How was the wedding of so-and-so?". But the intention has changed, 'how much jewelery was given to the bride, how much food was the bridegroom going to eat, how much dowry was given, whether there was provision for meat or alcohol?' At that time, there was not only a relationship between the bride's side and the groom's side, but there was competition at the social level as to who has more power. It used to be a competition about who has the wisdom and the ability to manage collectively.

Ek Janti to Ek Khasi

'Some time ago, a chief confirmed the marriage of his daughter . After confirming the marriage, the groom's father came to consult with the bride's father about how many people to bring. But the father of the bride without saying anything put a handful of marse (a grain found in Karnali) in her hand . It means to bring as many people as there are grains in that fist . Another condition is that all people should be young people. 

After returning home, the groom's father had an accident. A handful contains at least two to three thousand grains. How to arrange the people of that time! Consulted with the elders of the village . An experienced old man suggested a solution, 'When you take the people, hide me in the head of the one who takes the sagun.' But after reaching there, Maiti side put another condition . We don't have the kitchen to cook for so many people. We have arranged all the things . Now cook it and eat it yourself,' he ordered one kashi, one mana of rice, salt, oil, and chili according to each person. 

dal rice is fine. But it became impossible for one person to eat the whole Khasi in one night . There was chaos among the people. Let's deny that people have to return without a bride, let's admit, it is impossible for one soul to eat one khasi in one night . At that time, he went to seek advice from the old man who was hidden inside his head. After thinking for a moment, the old man suggested a solution. 

Then the people asked for firewood from the bride's party and lit a big fire. As suggested by the old man, they cut all the leaves one by one and started burning them. When a party was held for one, two or three thousand people, not even one piece was lost. After sharing all the khasi, dal, rice and other food throughout the night. The next day, after seeing that, the mother-in-law was ashamed and apologized and bid farewell to the bride.

This story refers to the pomp of the wedding at that time. There are many such interesting episodes. In the wedding pavilion, there will be many scholars from two sides, playing Ratayuli, and competing in Deuda! In village marriages, there is no prestige competition between villages like before, but other social customs are still there. 

The episodes I mentioned do not represent the entire country. But there are still some customs in Karnali which have disappeared from other parts of the country . 

Marriage at night

While the practice of marriage at night has disappeared in all parts of the country, marriages are still held at night in Karnali. Although it is not certain when and why this trend started, this practice is still alive in the rural areas of Karnali apart from the urban areas. Culture expert Ramanand Acharya says that the practice of marrying at night may have started for geographical distance, security and ease of management. 

'The bride should not be kept at home after the marriage, it is a problem for people who come in the morning to return in the evening, because of robbery on the road, etc.' The next day, after having dinner, Janti returns with the bride. There is another such practice in Karnali, perhaps not anywhere else in the country . Here it is customary for the villagers to feed the people one by one. In the previous evening, food is arranged for the people at the bride's house. The next day, the feast will be held in the afternoon, so the villagers serve the morning meal to the people in portions . Depending on the number of people, the close relatives take a little more and the villagers cook and feed them at home. 

Manapathi collecting

Children and villagers collecting financial support for daughter's marriage and keeping an account of it is common in many parts of the country . Such practices are carried out so that the in-laws do not have to bear a financial burden and later have money for their daughter's marriage. But in some areas of Mugu, Humla, Kalikot, Dolpa and Jajarkot, including Jumla, there is a custom of raising manapathi in the marriage of both sons and daughters.

Even if the nearest children raise according to the amount, a certain amount has been set for the villagers in advance . A pathi (four manas) for a daughter's wedding, and a nali (eight manas) for a son's wedding, along with pulses, salt, chillies and oil accordingly. It is mandatory . 

Even though marriage is a relationship between two people from two families, Acharya says that these social customs and rituals keep the spirit of mutual support in the society. "Marriage is not only a bond between two families, it also connects one society and another." For this, it is necessary to save some of our social customs' he says.

In the understanding of social campaigner Madhav Choulai, external influence is the main reason for the disappearance of such traditions. He says that due to access to information technology, increasing urban migration and the methods adopted by the elite class, there has been a change at the lower level. "From movies to serials, those who adopt urban and foreign culture are presented as role models, it has a direct impact on the society," he says, "but our original customs have their own importance . They carry the feeling of mutual support from social harmony. The state should give priority to preserve these traditions.'

Professor and linguist Madhav Prasad Pokharel blames the education system for the disappearance of the original customs. "Just as English education was imposed in India during the colonial period with the aim of erasing its culture, the same effect has now reached Nepal", he says, "Our education system has made us feel inferior to our culture". As a result of that, the social responsibility and mutual harmony that was seen in marriage and bond has now become limited to the competition to show someone.

He says that the reason why such basic customs are still avoided in some places is not the purpose of saving but the compulsion of remoteness. Even now, such traditions continue in the rural areas. But not for the purpose of saving them . There, the day when development and construction and the access of Western education, which is now called modern, expands, gradually they disappear from there too.