Children may think that they must always behave well, fulfill the expectations of their parents, teachers or all the elders of the society. This type of thinking is prevalent especially in boys and is called 'good boy syndrome'. At first, such things may seem good. In fact, it can be very complicated and even worrisome.

Psychologist Aarti Gurung of CMC-Nepal (Center for Counseling and Mental Health) has discussed the main mental causes associated with it and the coping measures.  Symptoms of

good boy syndrome
good boy syndrome refers to a behavior in which a child, especially a boy, always thinks he has to please others . For example: thinking that you have to meet the expectations of parents, teachers or friends . Such children try to follow the rules strictly, avoid fights or arguments and find it difficult to say 'no' or 'no' even if they feel uncomfortable or sad.

They live in fear of letting others down and pressure themselves to always be obedient and successful . Always trying to please others, not trying to show feelings such as anger or annoyance, being afraid of making mistakes, not speaking up for oneself, and being more responsible than one's age are common signs of this .

Over time, such thinking can lead to problems such as anxiety, low self-esteem, and difficulty understanding or expressing one's feelings. What are the

reasons ? 
This often develops from a mixture of family expectations, school pressure and social norms. For example, when parents have high expectations or teachers pressure children to always do well, then those children start to think, 'To get love and be accepted by everyone, you have to be perfect all the time .' Society also teaches boys to be strong, to hide their feelings, which makes them lack confidence and show signs of 'good boy syndrome'.  How does

affect children's mental health?

Good boy syndrome can seriously affect a child's mental health. Such children hide feelings such as anger or sadness. They are afraid that if they show these feelings, they may not look like a 'good person'. For example, a child may think, 'If I show that I'm sad, others won't see me as a good boy.'
Instead of expressing these feelings, they keep them bottled up inside. As a result, internal stress increases in them . Over time, such behavior can lead to anxiety, lack of confidence, and difficulty making decisions . They often start doubting the decisions they have taken.

According to various researches, when children regularly hide their emotions, they are more prone to anxiety, depression and burnout (exhaustion or mental exhaustion).

According to a study published in the Journal of Affective Disorders in 2023, children who hide their emotions have poor coping skills, making it more difficult for them to manage stress. As a result, even if they appear to be well-behaved on the outside, on the inside they are tired, scared and full of self-doubt. 

Comparison with 'Good Girl Syndrome' or 'Nice Guy Syndrome'

Good boy, good girl or nice guy syndrome have many similarities . The root cause is often the same. The pressure to please others, the desire to look good, and the attempt to seek approval by hiding how you really feel all contribute to these problems .
For example, girls feel that they must always be polite, keep quiet so as not to make others feel bad, while boys carry this pressure into adulthood as the 'Nice Guy Syndrome'.

dr. Robert Glover wrote in his book "No More Mr. Nice Guy" that people who have gone through such a problem often ignore their own needs and feelings, thus feeling unsatisfied and unfulfilled.

They find it difficult to set boundaries with other people, express feelings and say 'no'. So it can cause problems in both their personal relationships and career. 

What can parents do?

The daily actions and words of all parents and caregivers are very influential . Children watch carefully how we behave, react, and treat ourselves and others. 
In order to raise children as emotionally healthy, self-confident personalities, parents must first apply the same qualities to themselves . At home, children should create an environment where they can openly express not only happiness but also anger, sadness or fear. They should also be taught to say barber or not. It is important to develop the courage to say what is wrong openly.

Small behaviors such as teaching them to accept mistakes, praising their efforts and not just their achievements have a profound impact on a child's psychological development .

What are the effective measures?

One of the most effective methods is 'Cognitive Behavioral Therapy' (CBT). It helps the child to recognize and change his negative thoughts.
Similarly, 'assertive training' is also very useful, which teaches the child to express his feelings and needs clearly