You should get married before you turn 25, ma'am. And you should have a child before you turn 30. That's what a career is for a girl. A husband should be good.

000

You also need someone who will heat hot water for you when you are in trouble, you have to get married. You also need support in old age. You will get children on time, your mother-in-law will raise them! And you can also eat your children's earnings. When will you eat your children after having children at 40?

000

No matter how much feminism or feminism you talk about, a woman's existence is complete only after she becomes a mother. There is no point in a woman's life until she feels motherhood by holding a child in her arms.

000

These are not imaginary conversations, these are conversations I heard on public transport in the last few months. Even though sociological studies and research have shown that society is moving forward in the intellectual development stage, the real face of Asian society is seen in such places as local buses, meetings, temple queues, wedding receptions and workplaces.

As soon as I heard the phrase ‘You should get married before 25’, my head started pounding. I asked, unmarried – why? The woman was impressed by KP Oli’s speech. She said, ‘Oliji had presented a scientific fact – after 30, women’s fertility decreases, career is something to think about later, having two/three children early and then moving towards a career later.’

Wow! What an easy formula! Why didn’t I know this before? A career can be made at any time, at any age. Is a woman’s career something to keep in a box? Which can be taken out after the age of 35 and dusted off and used. Or is a career sold in a supermarket? Like – ‘Brother, give me a doctor’s degree, two kilos of engineering knowledge and a CEO’s post.’

Is the country’s economy sinking? Unemployment is increasing? Are education, health and other services in the country in ruins? What happened? It’s more ruined in other countries than here. This is not a problem. Be a woman and have children first, everything else will come later.

In life, you definitely need someone or something. Every person needs a person with whom you can talk openly, cry or laugh with your heart. You can easily overcome life’s challenges by holding hands. Even if you have to fight all your life, every person needs a person. But, marriage for the person who heats hot water? I told the solution, ‘I have an electric stove. The water is hot with a switch. There is no one in the market who can heat water and give you food . But electric jugs of various brands, from Chinese, Indian, Japanese, are available at reasonable prices . And, the best part of these jugs is that they do not ask you, 'Why didn't you get married before 25?' They do not question your career choice, nor do they worry about old age . And, if you do not get married, they do not even show mercy by calling you 'poor' .'

Now another sharp sentence – 'No matter how much you talk about feminism, a woman's existence is complete only after she becomes a mother .' Wow! So was Marie Curie incomplete ? Curie, who shared the Nobel Prize with Einstein, discovered radioactivity, and revolutionized science, was incomplete for Asian society ?

Mother Teresa was incomplete for Asian society . She served millions of poor people, won the Nobel Peace Prize . But, she did not give birth to anyone from her womb . Was she incomplete without being a mother? Was Sister Nivedita, who contributed to India's freedom movement and spread education, incomplete because she was not a mother? Was Parijat incomplete?

According to the logic of society, the perfection of a woman is her uterus. Intelligence, knowledge, achievements, contributions are all zero in front of the uterus! What is important is only the reproductive capacity. Perhaps a woman's brain, heart, hands, feet, all these are just decorations. Only the uterus does the real work.

Every year, the pages of the calendar keep turning, the seasons keep changing, those who get married keep getting married, those who have children keep getting pregnant. I have nothing to do with this. But, this society has to take and give. It has to take interest and impart knowledge. The 'well-wishers' of society ask, 'Sister, is Mangsir coming?' Don't you want to get married?' Some come to remind you, 'Brothers don't stay with their sisters after they get married, they don't look after their sisters after they have their own families.' To take care of? Are women animals? Are they goods that are moved from one place to another? Women are people. They have brains, limbs, education, and abilities. They can earn their own living, but in the 'dictionary' of society, women have to be taken care of and looked after by someone. In childhood, they have to be taken care of by their father, after marriage by their husband, and in old age by their son. A woman's entire life is focused on the act of 'taking care of'. Is the scientific name for women 'Homo dependents'?

Why didn't a woman get married? There could be all sorts of reasons. Maybe she wants to stay away from the social circle, wants to live free from bondage, the love story was incomplete, she has not yet found the right person and does not want to compromise . There are so many 'maybes', but these 'maybes' have no justification for society .

Society says - why would she get married after thinking she is an apsara? Holi, who is looking for wealth! Who would marry someone who is an old maid ? Who would marry a girl who is not able to bend even a little bit, who is arrogant and has nowhere to go ?

If a woman is happy living on her own terms in her life, then she does not need another person to make her complete . There is no need for anyone to call her 'poor' . Because she is not a person of mercy at all . Poor is that mentality, which still sees the existence of a woman only through the lens of a mother, daughter-in-law and a civilized, gentle, caring and responsible woman who lives for the society by silently trampling on her dreams. When I have to write such things again and again, I feel sorry for this society and want to shout, ‘The world is changing. Try to bring about a change in your mentality even a little.’

Marriage is about choosing a partner to spend life with – a partner with whom you can share your physical, mental and social desires! However, the ultimate goal of any person’s life cannot be marriage. Not everyone’s life is the same. And, the ultimate goal of a woman’s life is not marriage either. Women are living their lives on their own terms. And, this society feels jealous when it sees them living happily even though they are unmarried. And, to acknowledge that jealousy, it looks at a woman living her life alone and says – poor.

And I become a rebel. Because I ask questions. I am not satisfied with the automatic answers they give. I will ask another question. For this society, all women who do not allow themselves to be trampled upon and raise questions are rebels. This fixed structure of society does not like the voice raised by women at all.

From a psychological perspective, the level of life satisfaction depends not only on marital status, but also on a person's freedom, personal goals and social relationships. Women feel more independent when they fulfill their education, career and personal ambitions. In such a situation, repeatedly pressuring society to say that they must get married is mental torture or stress. When society repeatedly creates a narrative that 'a woman's life is over if she does not get married', women continue to experience unnecessary shame, anxiety or fear of being alone in life. Some women get married out of this fear and to fit into society. No matter how successful a woman is professionally or personally, if she is alone in her personal life, her achievements are not recognized by society. Her life is made to feel useless.

There are millions of issues that we experience beyond the scope of society. But, society still wants to see women as soft, weak, and seeking support. Because getting married or not is your personal choice. Your existence, value, identity – it does not depend on any paper relationship. Because this is the truth. Unmarried women are not a threat to society. The threat is a society that measures a woman's value only by her uterus. The threat is the mindset that considers women, not people, but objects to be nurtured. The threat is the mindset that considers 'marriage' as the greatest achievement of women even in the 21st century.

When this society sees a woman living on her own terms, society feels the pain of defeat. This society does not want to let women fly, it plots to cut off the wings of women who try to fly .

But, I fly, I do not carry a bag of cut wings . I love myself, I do not seek the approval of society . Whether a person is married or not does not define his intelligence . Marital status does not determine our competence . Whether we have vermilion on our foreheads or not makes our existence complete or incomplete – even before becoming someone’s daughter, someone’s daughter-in-law, someone’s wife, someone’s mother . Even after becoming someone’s daughter, daughter-in-law, someone’s wife, someone’s mother or even never becoming one . Think about it – how weak and insecure would a society be that is afraid of a woman’s marital status ? Which an independent, self-reliant woman can make feel threatened ? How fragile would a system be that trembles at the personal choices of a woman ? If a woman does not get married, there will be upheaval in society and the rhythm will be disturbed, then that society is already rotten, rotten and ready to collapse.