There are many things, festivals, and rituals that we women celebrate. Such celebrations also help us to divert our minds from the daily chores of the house.

Especially on occasions like Ekadashi, the women of hill origin gather in our villages to sing Hari Bhajan, dance, and distribute Prasad. Here, one can also see gatherings of mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law. Do such gatherings provide a pleasant environment for women to kill their fatigue after cooking, cooking, or fasting and forget their hunger? When women sing Hari Bhajan in this way, the lines of their hymns are as follows:

Where is the place called Baikuntha

May I die by chanting Hari Hari

Indra Kamal Phuol

In this sinful world, it is a mistake

We find that women who dance to Hari Bhajan, go to the sixteen-day rally against gender violence, and endure various forms of domestic violence, are participating in such spiritual activities to get some 'relief' from Hari Bhajan. Leaving these religious lifestyles of women here, let's talk about some aspects of cultural lifestyle.

Our marriage culture is different. Young women are given 'Kanyadan' and go to the house of their male partner. In most societies, the tradition of women going to the house of their male partner after marriage continues. Our culture has also allowed mothers-in-law, relatives and neighboring women to play Ratyauli before bringing the bride. The atmosphere is heated by dancing and singing with sexual harassment. Sexual relations are a matter of consent between a woman and a man, especially between a sexual partner. And, if this subject were not considered obscene or provocative, shameful, perhaps women would not have revealed their sexual awareness only through 'Ratayauli'. It is never right to discourage a new woman who has entered the house by pretending that she has a day off from Ratyauli. It is currently going viral on TikTok – a gang of mothers-in-law are singing a song in Ratyauli called ‘Buharilai Chorako ATM ma haq jamaun ai’, while in response, other girls are saying ‘Timro Choralai Damlole Bandhe Rakh’. The humor is worth watching.

In a society like ours with a patriarchal and male-dominated social structure, does a woman finally think that she is also an experienced and eldest woman in the house only after becoming a mother-in-law? In a world where power is manipulated, does she also have a psychological jealousy towards the new daughter-in-law member, saying ‘Why should I let her have more freedom than me?’? The mother-in-law may be afraid that the daughter-in-law will attack her son’s earnings.

If the mother-in-law had also been financially dependent, such things would definitely not have affected her. But educated, self-respecting and self-reliant women enter into married life to live an equal partnership, not to raid their spouse's ATM. The mother-in-law's environment and the financial dependence she has experienced may also make her afraid that 'daughter-in-law will take over her son's earnings'. In any case, sons, daughters-in-law and mothers-in-law should all understand that entering into the institution of marriage means moving forward with partnership, self-existence and self-respect in every work of the husband and wife. Moreover, it also means recognizing the individual decisions of women's reproductive rights.

Times have changed. Women have become a little lighter from the situation of having to suffer a lot and endure humiliation like a hundred years ago. The structural discrimination that women face is still present in many forms. Educated, self-reliant and empowered women do not tolerate oppression and injustice from not only mothers-in-law, but also any family member. We have heard and seen the mother-in-law as the perpetrator and the daughter-in-law as the victim. It is not unusual in a society like ours for the same mother-in-law to consider herself an experienced homemaker and feel insecure with new people after going into an 'unfamiliar' family, enduring many family, physical, and social obstacles, and enduring years of hardship.

We almost generalize that the mother-in-law, who has acquired expertise in caring for, maintaining, and coordinating around the four walls of the house, is a bad character. Mother-in-law, daughter-in-law, nanda, amaju, deurani, jethani all exist. These are not beings who should be compatible or incompatible with each other. Unhealthy and unacceptable double or twin marriages between them certainly reduce women's empowerment and knowledge. There should be a debate among women about our socio-cultural structural differences and the tendency of the powerful to suppress the weak.

After all, who is more victimized between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law? Every family has different situations and circumstances. Should women fight over such issues or should women also seriously think about how to maintain power balance and social harmony?

There are many proverbs that make women weak. Women themselves are found to be using these proverbs a lot. Women themselves are dancing to misogynistic songs. Until we stop using songs, obscene statements, poetry, and proverbs that hurt women's feelings and remove various customs that disturb women's sensitivity from our culture, there will be an environment where women will despise and harass women.

Very few women in our society have sharpened their consciousness and intellectually moved forward by becoming exemplary in transforming the distortions in society and culture. This includes politically conscious women. There are women in our society who have become role models by critically accepting literature and politics and changing their perceptions and behaviors.

On the one hand, modern teenagers are humming English songs and talking in English. However, when it comes to various festivals, marriages, feasts, and parties, in those cases they continue to support the ostentatious culture by recognizing various types of cosmetics and rituals. It seems that the conscious young women of the new generation should also be equally vigilant about changing the various types of vulgar culture in which we are participating. We can get a little bit of a clue about personal freedom, but what are the problems of women in general? Ignoring the social and cultural values ​​that are holding women back is not a progressive journey for women.

On the one hand, we are also talking about feminism and the transformation of women. Feminism imagines a just society, talks about the autonomy of men and women, and opposes patriarchy and male dominance. Justice starts with the family. If we talk about the game of power, even a powerful and individualistic daughter-in-law can despise and suppress a seemingly weak mother-in-law. They have a saying – ‘Whose power is his devotion’. Those who follow such a proverb, whether they are women or men, despise justice and equality. If women suppress other women, demonstrate unacceptable power over other women, they are considered ‘bad’ women, just like bad men.