Don't eat that, don't wear that, don't do this, don't do that, go here, don't go there. That is, before every word - 'no'.

At first, this word ‘no’ seems very sweet. I thought to myself – someone has loved me, ‘cared for me’. I felt a kind of security. I felt a warm feeling that someone was loving and paying attention. However, as time passes, the ‘parameters’ of the word ‘no’ that she uses increase to the point where instead of ‘I study’ she says ‘I don’t study’, instead of ‘I work’ she says ‘I don’t eat’, instead of ‘I learn something’ she says ‘I don’t learn’, in other words, ‘no’ becomes an obstacle behind every word. ‘no’ increases to the point that even the decision of what to wear or not to wear ends up in the hands of others.

A campaign against violence against women is underway. Programs are being held in various hotels in Kathmandu. Violence has increased and it has been a long time since I heard the stories of women victims. Meanwhile, a friend I met at a campaign event against violence against women expressed the pain she felt from the above word ‘no’, which was not new to me. I am also a female character in this society. I have been hearing, experiencing, and seeing many incidents of discrimination. The friend said, “What should I do when there are so many restrictions and surveillance? In the end, freedom seemed dear. And I was forced to end the relationship with my daughter.

I don’t think that the story of that friend is far from the lives of ordinary Nepali women. We women, who are fighting for coexistence in this patriarchal society, are still imagining a free and liberated life. Whether it is in daily life within the family or in a digital society like social media. Women are suffering from the sociology of surveillance generated by patriarchy.

Sanjog Thakuri, who is constantly active for women's rights, says, 'A terrible weapon of patriarchy is also the sociology of surveillance.' According to him, when a marginalized, downtrodden community, women, children or a backward class in society tries to move forward a little, they are monitored more than necessary from all sides and are tried to be controlled. According to Thakuri, the surprising thing is that that community itself does not know that it is being controlled by someone in the name of love, security and protection. And, it has easily accepted that fate.

Surveillance does not mean watching, but controlling. And, control means capturing the personality of any person. Ironically, most women easily accept control, which leads to violent acts. Let's look at a recent example - actress Rima Vishwakarma has now entered politics. She spoke openly about joining the party just a few days ago. Within a short time of her speech, she went viral on social media. More than the reactions to her thoughts on the network, there were more personal comments and photos posted like ‘Who was she married to? When did she get divorced? Why did she get divorced?’ Even, ‘How can someone who can’t manage a house manage a country?’ Suspicious and very harsh comments were made against her.

‘What will society say if you do this? The suffering I caused is for you! What will happen if you study a lot? Why did you have to work? Don’t talk too much,’ all these words are especially imposed on women in our society. However, men are equally affected by the waste of the sociology of surveillance. The patriarchal surveillance of women extends far beyond the home, which is found at every level and stage. In the cultural, religious, political, legal and even economic spheres, the aim is to monitor women as weak objects and indirectly seize their existence. There was once a discussion about the amendment of the law, ‘After marriage, women will have to return their husband’s property.’ Most women’s rights activists immediately protested against it. This means monitoring and controlling women through the law.