I am like this, I am like that, no matter what, I am a gem. When I lose my rhythm, I am a bastard. I am famous everywhere.' There are hardly any people who have not heard these few lines from Girish Khatiwada's rap song. Some may feel as if this song was 'written for themselves'.

If this is the case, I would like to give you a suggestion. Forget everything and do a self-examination once. Even if there is a lot of turmoil in your life and you blame everyone else, go to a psychologist. And answer some questions correctly. Because you may be suffering from such a behavioral disorder, which is called ‘narcissistic personality disorder’ in psychological language. The word ‘narcissism’ was born from Narcissus, a character in Greek myth. And, from that, the word ‘narcissistic’ developed. 

There is an interesting story from the 1st century BC. The story describes the downfall of a character named Narcissus due to narcissism, that is, excessive self-absorption. Narcissus was very proud and arrogant because he was beautiful. He would reject and reject everyone who proposed to him. And, the other was – Echo. She was cursed by the goddess Hera, so she could only repeat what others said. She too was enchanted by seeing Narcissus and started loving him. However, Narcissus, who despised everyone, had no intention of adopting Echo. He rejected Echo's love proposal outright.

The goddess of vengeance, Nemesis, decides to teach the arrogant Narcissus a lesson. Nemesis takes the form of a beautiful lake and lives in the forest. While hunting, Narcissus feels thirsty. He bends down to drink water from that lake. As soon as he bends down to the lake, he sees a very beautiful, young, strong, young man there. He falls in love at first sight, coup de foudre. In fact, Narcissus is enchanted by seeing his own reflection.

After falling in love with himself, Narcissus forgets everything. He is fascinated by looking at his own reflection for a long time. He also forgets to eat, drink and sleep. He becomes weaker and uglier day by day. One day, he dies on the shore of that lake. Narcissus, looking at his own reflection while dying, said, ‘Oh! Wonderful young man, I have loved you in vain, farewell.’ Echo can only repeat Narcissus’ last words – farewell, farewell, farewell!

This story depicts the essence of narcissism. Excessive self-love destroys not only a person’s relationship with another person, but also himself. 

Narcissism means self-obsession. In the Bhagavad Gita, Shri Krishna has said, ‘Another name for self-praise is suicide.’ That is, when a person keeps praising only himself, his downfall is certain. Narcissus also fell in the same way. According to psychology, every creature in the world has some degree of narcissism. Psychology has also linked self-obsession with confidence. A certain amount of narcissism helps a person to succeed in life. 

Psychological theory says, ‘Narcissism is like salt in any dish, if it is right, the dish is sweet and tasty, but if it is too much, the dish is neither sweet nor beneficial for health.’ For example, ‘A pinch of narcissism’, that is, a little self-indulgence helps a person to speak up for their rights, fight for them, be self-reliant, increase their confidence, make them ambitious and succeed in life.

However, no matter what the situation, people who violate the rules of society by saying ‘I am like this’, exclude moral values, do not respect the feelings of others, and proudly say ‘I am like this’ when someone raises some questions are at high risk of this ‘narcissistic personality disorder’. Because an emotionally and behaviorally healthy person not only loves himself, but also shows empathy for the feelings and situations of others. However, when narcissism in a person reaches its peak, a person develops ‘narcissistic personality disorder’. 

Narcissists always want only praise – everyone sings their praises, they follow them. If they don’t get ‘attention’, they become angry. They don’t like to be criticized on any subject, they can’t stand criticism. No matter how wrong they are, they are always right for themselves.

These people often like to surround themselves only with people who can flatter their ego. They build relationships with people who praise them, even if those relationships are superficial and fleeting. The vocabulary of narcissists’ lives consists only of ‘I’, ‘mine’, ‘me’, ‘me’ and ‘you’. They are oblivious to the impact and mental risk of any of their harsh behavior or decisions on other people. 

We are certainly surrounded by narcissistic people or we ourselves may have this disorder. When we have to deal with such people, we think, ‘How arrogant he is, how moody he is, how stubborn he is, how harsh his speech is.’ But, in reality, we do not realize that we are dealing with a narcissistic person. 

Although the various symptoms of a narcissist are similar, we can know which type of narcissist he is from their behavior. For example, overt narcissists, such narcissists have a high sense of oppression and authority. They try to show only their achievements and consider others as worthless and weak as possible. They need excessive attention. They only want praise from everyone and keep boasting about their power and prestige. 

Another is covert narcissists, they appear to be humble and sensitive on the outside. But inside, they only consider themselves special. They try to show that they are the only victims and ‘victim-play’, that is, they can tell as many lies as they want. Like overt, they also want others to pay attention to them, but indirectly! For example, their statement is like Thego, ‘Who else is as much of a victim as me? No one understands me.’ Such narcissists are jealous of others’ success and happiness.

They are very happy to see others in distress. They are very selfish but believe that they are misunderstood or undervalued by their family and society. They do very risky things to ‘feed their ego’ and to make society believe that ‘I am different from others’. However, they are very vulnerable emotionally. How to express their feelings in what situation? They do not know that. If someone gives them too much importance or tries to make them feel responsible, they will abandon that person and situation. They can abandon a place, person or situation in an instant to keep themselves safe even in a slightly stressful situation. 

High-functioning narcissists – Such people are very competitive. They have to be conquered by hook or by crook. They always like to be in the limelight and do whatever they can to achieve it. In today's language, they like to be 'viral', they like to be seen everywhere! And, those people use their narcissistic qualities to succeed. They are often confident and socially active.

They are very successful professionally but deep down they want to control others. They have zero emotional qualities. They lead but keep hurting others' feelings. Their social image is high but their close families are suffering moment by moment. They are 'anti-social' but tag their loneliness as freedom. 

According to psychologist Sigmund Freud, over time, if a narcissistic person self-evaluates and recognizes positive behavior, there may not be a problem. Because everyone is narcissistic to some extent. If a person does not have even a little narcissism, he will not be able to live a successful life or fulfill his needs. However, when a person goes to any extent to trample on moral values ​​for his own selfishness and success, such a person is truly narcissistic.

For example, Duryodhana, a character from the Hindu mythology Mahabharata, and Ravana, a character from the Ramayana, can be understood as narcissistic. No matter how strong Duryodhana was, he did not see his ego and selfishness. And, no matter how wise and learned Ravana was, he continued to consider his ego as the best. And, in the end, both of them fell.

Narcissism is a natural stage of mental development. Freud says that narcissism initially develops in children. Seeing the children talking, dancing, doing some things and some of their loving behaviors, parents think, ‘Wow, my child is the most extraordinary, very different.’ They treat the child accordingly.

Hearing this, the child starts to feel ‘Oh, I am truly miraculous’. If such narcissism developed in childhood does not change over time, that feeling of self-love can lead to the development of ‘Narcissistic Personality Disorder’. According to Freud, excessive narcissism can cause psychological and mental problems. Such as getting very angry, making impulsive decisions, harming others or themselves, etc. 

Narcissistic people cannot love anyone other than themselves. If they are to get into a relationship, they need to bring some positive changes in their behavior, which is almost impossible for narcissists. And, the narcissist’s husband/wife, children and family members have to pay for it. 

Narcissists are prevalent in various sections of our society. There are many examples of other employees suffering due to the behavior of narcissistic people in the workplace.

In 1980, the American Psychiatric Association recognized narcissistic personality disorder as a psychiatric disorder in the ‘Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders DSM-III’. Its main treatment is self-examination. Changing your behavior is something that most real narcissists do not adopt or do not consider necessary.

Living in society, you have to cooperate with all kinds of people. But, how to deal with narcissists without affecting your mental health? Many of us do not know about this. Psychologists have said that people who suffer greatly from the behavior of narcissists are at risk of mental health problems such as stress, depression, anxiety, and trauma.

Those who are ‘abused’ by narcissistic people become physically weak along with lack of confidence, poor memory, and poor self-esteem. We ourselves also need to self-examine ‘how we treat others’. If we have made a mistake or behaved in a narcissistic manner, we should immediately think about improving it. However, a real narcissist will not like this article either. Therefore, no matter what the narcissist says, we should say ‘yes, you are absolutely right’ because arguing with narcissists drains your own energy. 

Psychologists have given some important suggestions on ‘how to deal with narcissistic people?’ For example- 

Set your personal boundaries and clearly state ‘what is acceptable? what is not?’ Another ‘gray rock’ technique in psychology is that you deliberately respond in a dull and emotionless manner so that the narcissist cannot get attention and emotional response from you. Limit contact, if possible, keep meetings and conversations with them to a minimum. And, do not argue at all and seek the help of a counselor or support group yourself. 

If abuse is taking place, you should keep a record of the behaviors. It may be important to write down the events, dates, and details. अन्तमा, केही अवस्थामा सम्बन्ध नै अन्त्य गर्नु तपाईंको आफ्नै मानसिक स्वास्थ्यका लागि सबैभन्दा उत्तम विकल्प हुन सक्छ । कसैको श्रीमान् वा श्रीमतीमै यस्तो नार्सिसिस्ट व्यवहार छ भने उनीहरूले विशेष रूपमा आफ्नो मानसिक स्वास्थ्यको ख्याल राख्नैपर्छ । जस्तो– उनीहरूबाट कमभन्दा कम अपेक्षा गर्ने वा अपेक्षा नै नगर्ने ।