On a recent day, the public bus going from Ravi Bhavan to Harhar Mahadev was packed with passengers as usual, and there was a normal traffic flow outside. Everyone was silent inside the bus. Even in that silence, the atmosphere was not quiet or noiseless.

A passenger who had been given a seat was scrolling through TikTok on his mobile. Throughout the entire hour-long journey, he watched many videos at high volume. If he liked a video, he would watch it over and over again, and if he didn't like it, he would immediately scroll to another.

No one asked him to lower the volume, no one responded, perhaps no one noticed. Everyone was just engrossed in their mobiles. The bus kept moving at its own pace, the passengers' attention was on their mobile screens. Such scenes have become common in public places. Everyone seems to be absorbed in their mobile phones, oblivious to the activities around them.

Walking, casual chatter and unplanned meetings are important for a person’s emotional health. We get to talk, interact and express ourselves openly with our people, which helps to lighten our minds. A new word has recently been added to the English dictionary to describe this trend – ‘phubbing’. This word, made by combining the words ‘phone’ and ‘snubbing’, means – focusing all your attention on your smartphone, ignoring the people around you.

At first glance, phubbing seems like a normal distraction or a person being distracted by their phone. It may not seem like such a big problem. However, when we look at these small incidents as a whole, it is found to be reflecting a large and subtle change in society. This is a change – the attention that people give to each other in public places is no longer spontaneous or normal. People’s attention is divided equally between the mobile screen and the other person. In most cases, that attention is completely lost within the mobile screen.

Arjun Kandel, who runs ‘Arya Khaja Ghar’ in Tinkune, has seen a big change in customer behavior in the past five years. ‘Earlier, people used to come here not only to have lunch, but also to chat and build new relationships,’ he says, ‘but now that rarely happens. Even though people sit together, they are not with each other. Earlier, people used to hear people’s murmuring, laughter and jokes, but now the sound of Reels and TikTok is heard.’ According to him, although social media has made communication easier, it has affected human relationships.’

This change is not just a matter of etiquette or confusion. It is changing the nature of daily interactions, how people sit together, how deeply they listen to each other, and how easily they distance themselves. It has not only affected human relationships, but in some cases, it is also creating insecurity.

A user named ‘Life as Cry’ on Instagram shared a video on Jestha 10. In it, she sees the Yango driver she is riding riding a motorcycle while scrolling through reels on her mobile phone. The driver’s attention was divided between the road and the screen. ‘I rode for about 25 minutes watching reels, TikTok, and YouTube shorts. I almost got into an accident several times. I ignored repeated warnings. The carelessness increased even more towards the end of the journey,’ she wrote in the caption.

Meera Tamang, a 24-year-old student from Dolakha, finds online conversations emotionless and artificial. When she was in Dolakha, she loved the moments of walking around the village in the evening with friends and talking about their future and dreams. Now, she feels that even meeting friends seems formal and planned. ‘We are adding too many filters, real and honest relationships are disappearing,’ says Tamang.

People are getting lonely even after connecting to the network

A decade ago, when load shedding was at its peak in Nepal, social life was different. People would sit on the roof and talk to their neighbors, discuss politics in the nearby square, and family members would sit and chat around candles or lamps. ‘Back then, when the lights were on, my father would listen to the news,’ says Tamang. ‘After the lights went out, he would ask me how my day was or what my homework was.’ Before mobile screens were available, gossip would arise naturally and spontaneously.'

Earlier, stories and experiences would be exchanged after work in the evening. News, ideas and daily life would be discussed in the village squares and squares. Nowadays, many things have moved to the screen: Writer and sociologist Rameshwori Pant According to writer and sociologist Rameshwori Pant, such a change is now deeply visible within the home. Smartphones have made people focus only on themselves. 'Even if family members sit in the same room, there is no time to talk to each other,' she says. 'Earlier, stories and experiences would be exchanged after work in the evening. News, ideas and daily life would be discussed in the village squares and squares. Now, many things have shifted to the screen.'

Pant understands that the habit of parents giving mobile phones to young children, especially to distract or keep them calm, is eroding their enthusiasm for communication. She says that children are losing their enthusiasm for talking to their parents and they also do not have time to tell them stories, folk tales or interesting experiences. According to Pant, this is distancing children from the knowledge and life experiences of their elders.

People are becoming lonely due to many of these reasons. Psychosocial counselor Drishti Moktan points out that people start feeling lonely even in a crowd and that its mental impact can be serious. According to her, roaming, casual chatter and unplanned meetings are important for a person's emotional health. ‘We can talk openly, interact and express ourselves with our people,’ she says, ‘it helps to lighten the mind.’